30 November 2011

Day 3, this is so much different than what I expected.

"You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you
I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together."

I worry too much. I never thought I would spend the entire time he's in Tech School
worrying about him, but I am. I'm afraid he's going to get in trouble. When he texts
me I worry about if anyone else is going to see it, I find myself thinking really hard
about what I'm going to say back. I'm so paranoid about this. All he talks about is
how all the females are desperate whores and they are trying to get attention from
anyone that will give it to them. I know he only tells me this because he wants me to
trust him completely and he doesn't want to have secrets, but it REALLY doesn't make
me feel better. I love my boyfriend, I've been with this kid for like 4 years, 2 of which
I've known he was going to be in the military. This is harder than anything I ever imagined,
it's so hard to stay strong when he's halfway across the country. Part of me wants to cry
and beg him to come home every single time he calls, I know he can't come home, I
know he's trying to protect our country, and I know I have years of deployments,
holidays spent apart, and weeks without contact in my future. When he was sworn in
I made the decision to stay in this mans life, I made this decision knowing that he was
going to make a career out of the Air Force. We have 5 years until he signs the papers again,
19 years until he is supposed to retire, but even after that, he'll probably stay in...he loves
it so far. I love this man, I love the sacrifice he's willing to make to not only ensure that we
have a good future, but also to protect his country. Being a military girlfriend is so much more
than just supporting him, it's dealing with the fact that you don't get to have a say, you don't
have the option of moving in with him, it's dealing with the fact that because you don't have a
ring on your finger you don't have any rights when it comes to your military man. I love this man,
this man is my best friend, the love of my life, and my hero, I'd never give up on him. I get out
of bed every single morning and fight so he'll be proud. He honestly puts the smile on my face,
the light in my eyes, and the love in my heart. He still hasn't had the chance to read this blog,
but I'm pretty sure he will love it. <3

29 November 2011

My SA trip, and Day 2 of tech school.

My trip to SA was wonderful! My surprise was a gorgeous princess cut diamond promise
ring. Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done. I wish I could describe the feeling I got
when I saw him the first time...I couldnt talk, all I could do was hug him, and cry. He's in tech
school now so I get to talk to him WAY more. Every day actually. I'm so ready for Christmas,
like 21 days until I get to see him again!! Yay for Christmas! I can't believe my trip is already
over, it's hard going from seeing him every day to not seeing him for like 20 some days.
BUT, at least BMT is over. I can't wait until I get to start skyping him every night and such.
BMT is OVER, I can breathe a little easier. <3

22 November 2011

Day 56, San Antonio bound today. :)

I'm so excited!! I can't wait to get into my hotel suite. :) It will be so great!!
I'm a little nervous about flying alone, but it's going to have to be okay. I already
checked in for my flight, and have my boarding passes. I will be uploading plenty
of pics in the next few days. You're going to get a full picture tour of my
adventures in San Antonio! I can't believe I'm going to get to see my Airman
tomorrow. I'm actually going to get alone time with him tomorrow. It'll be
so great. :) 8.5 weeks flew by, and I have so many people to thank for that!!
I couldn't have made it through this without all of the wonderful people in my
life. <3 Thank you so much everyone.
So, this is the room I rented...I wonder if it will actually look like this.

21 November 2011

Day 53, 54, and 55, tomorrows the day :)

I'm flying to San Antonio tomorrow!! I'm so excited! Dalton called last night and
he sounded so excited. Tomorrow night I will be laying my head on my pillow in
San Antonio, TX..and then on Wednesday I will be jumping into the arms of the
man that I love so dearly. <3 I love my Airman, and I'm so glad that I get to
be there to experience his graduation from AFBMT. I'M SO EXCITED!!

18 November 2011

Day 52, I'm having fun :)

Now that the end of BMT is near, I'm finally able to let go and have fun because I know in
just a few short days I am going to be reunited with my love<3 In the past few days I
have been very upbeat and excited. I feel so much less stress now. It's great knowing
that BMT is almost over, I can't wait. I am going to have so much to be thankful for
this Thanksgiving. 4 days until my flight leaves for San Antonio, 4 days until I begin this
long journey into being an Air Force girlfriend. I'm nervous but I have a wonderful support
system. <3

17 November 2011

Day 51, this is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life?

Thank you so much to all the awesome people that I have met through this blog! Just yesterday
I found an awesome group on facebook that I wish I had discovered earlier, it's called Airman
Swag, this group is great and I was immediately welcomed in! I highly encourage all of my readers
that are on facebook to check it out! Thank you to Airman Swag, Military Issued Girlfriends, my
friends, my family, and my boyfriends family! I've loved hearing from all of you, and I highly
encourage you to send emails to Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send me a private message
on facebook. Anything you tell me or ask advice about is completely confedential. I love all the
feedback and I can't wait to hear from more of you.

But anyways, this whole experience has been very difficult for me to deal with and the past 8
weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. In 5 short days I will be reunited with my best
friend and my love. I know that fighting this battle will be completely worth it when I finally get
to be in his arms again. My life is turning out to be completely different than what I expected,
I'm a military girlfriend...I'm an AIR FORCE girlfriend, and I'm so proud. I love telling people how
amazingly proud I am of my boyfriend. When I get to San Antonio, my life is going to change forever,
being a military girlfriend will finally be set in stone. This is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life,
living through letters and the occasional phone call, spending months apart from the man I love,
and holding my breath hoping and praying that the day I get to be in his arms again will come quicker.
I can't wait<3

16 November 2011

Day 50, a few phone calls this week?

He finally called last night, and he let me know that he is probably going to get
a few phone calls this week. :) That's exciting considering I've barely had any time
to talk to him since he's been gone. I've quit writing letters because it takes about a
week for them to get there. I can't wait. Hopefully it'll be everything I've been hoping
for. I'm so afraid that I will be disappointed when I get down there, although I'm
pretty sure I will be too excited to be disappointed. It's terrible that I won't be
able to hug him or kiss him when I very first see him, I won't even be able to hold
his hand. I think that is going to be the hardest part. But it's all going to be worth
it in the end. It better be.

15 November 2011

Day 49, exactly one week to go!!

In one week I will be flying down to Texas! I'm so freaking excited!!! I can
barely sit still thinking about going down there! I can't wait for cuddle time,
oh how I love to cuddle. <3 I'm so excited. :) It'll be great. I love him very
much and I miss him even more. I'm hoping for maybe a letter or phone
call this week. 7 more days:) This trip is so expensive but I have a feeling that
when I get down there it will be so worth it. :)

14 November 2011

Days 46, 47, and 48, I'm officially on Ritalin

haha, I know that is completely unrelated to anything..but the stress of this whole
situation has thrown my ADHD all out of whack and now I'm 18 years old and
on freaking Ritalin. I understand how Ritalin works now, it fucks the kids up too
bad for them to be all hyper and jittery. yup, that's how it works. I hate this.
OMFG, I wanna go home and go to sleep, if this phone rings one more time I might
hurt someone, I seriously might need my ADHD symptoms to be in full swing for
me to be able to function at work. I'm going to flip out, right now...I am. But on the
plus side, I have 8 days until I fly to Texas! I am so excited. I didn't even get a phone
call this weekend, which really sucks...maybe he will get to call one day this week,
I'm not sure if he knows my new number yet, but hopefully his parents will give it
to him. I'm going this Friday to get the new iPhone, I'm excited. :) Yay for having
Siri to do stuff for me. :) I'm so excited about Texas!!! I need to pack my bags still,
wooooooo, I can't wait to get to San Antonio. :)

11 November 2011

Day 45, Happy Veterans Day!

Thank you to all the men and women who have served our country and the ones who
currently do, especially my Airman, AB Gilreath<3 I'll see you in just a few days babe.

10 November 2011

Day 44, getting everything together for my trip...

Planning a trip is stressful, no wonder my parents always hated planning vacations.
I'm ready to get this over with, I'm nervous about flying down there by myself and
stuff. I have to get a taxi by myself, I have to do all sorts of things by myself, it's
awful. I don't wanna grow up and be on my own yet. :( I can't wait to get down
there though, I've heard that San Antonio is gorgeous, and it'll be great to finally
see my Airman after 8 long weeks. I'm ready for cuddle time...cuddle time will
be good. :) I wonder what all we are going to do when I'm down there...I wanna
shop while I'm there, that might piss him off though, he hates to shop. Whatever,
I will drag him anyways and he can buy me pretty things. lmao, jk I have my own
money. :)

09 November 2011

Day 43, I'm not even sure what to say...

For like the past twelve hours, I have been at a complete loss for words, I've made like
four life changing decisions and I'm honestly a little scared. But I have come to the
realization that I am the only person who can make me happy. MY happiness is what
is really important, not everyone elses. It's taken me a long time to come to this
conclusion and damn it, I like it. I'm a person with thoughts and feelings, and I'm tired
of no one else realizing that. I'm so sick of people lying to me because they think that's
what would be best for me, how about you let ME decide, it is my life. I'm sick of everytime
I don't kiss everyone else's ass, people get pissed at me, and yet I'm the one getting used
like a doormat 24/7. Forget that, fuck that, I'm done with it. I'm my own fucking person,
now watch me make myself happy. I know that none of my recent posts have really been
about being a military girlfriend, but right now I honestly have some bigger shit going on in
my life...I do miss my Airman, and it will only be 13 days until I see him again. Less than
two weeks and I'm San Antonio bound. :)

08 November 2011


FML FML FML.......
I got a letter yesterday, it was nice. Unexpected, but nice. I have exactly two weeks left
until I leave for San Antonio...my ADHD has been really bad the past few days, it's stress
induced. I need more help at work, geniunely. I need help with my classes and with my
homework. I need someone to love on me, I have great friends who love on me and pamper
me, but now it's the work week and they're gone...and now I'm deprived. :( I can't wait
until my shopping day on Friday, I get to go shop and have girl time with Mikaela.
I am so ready for Thanksgiving to come! I miss my airman, it'll be nice to see him again that's
for sure. :)

07 November 2011

"He's not perfect."

"He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect.
But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if
he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him
the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you
every moment, but he will give you part of him that he knows you could break.
Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't
analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss
him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect
guys don't exist, but there's always on guy that is perfect for you."
-Bob Marley

If you love someone, don't hold it back. Could you live with watching the person you
love marry another person? So you're not perfect, you don't have to be, maybe you
are the perfect person for her. There's no such thing as caring too much for someone,
you HAVE to tell them that you care, it's never too late. Somethings you just have to
get off your chest, no matter what the situation may be. I know I have already posted
today, but I saw this quote and it was so spot on, it made my heart hurt.

Days 39, 40, and 41, I'm in a terrible mood.

Despite the events of the past 48 hours, I had a great weekend. I should be in
a great mood today...but I've come to the conclusion that I have these feelings
that I need to get off my chest. I'm not sure if it's a smart idea, but whatever...
I have to do it anyways. I can't live with myself knowing that I haven't been
completely honest with my friends.This is my life and I'm not going to let anyone tell
me how to live it. I know this really has nothing to do with my boyfriend
who's at basic, and my apologies to my readers. I literally only talked
to him like 3 minutes yesterday, nothing great happened, nothing sweet
happened, we didn't have time to talk. He let me know that he won't be writing
 me this week. I realize that I sound like a bitch right now but for the time being I'm just
kind of numb, I have some serious shit going on in my life right now, so
my stress level is through the roof. I'm more than ready for this to be over with,
after Thanksgiving I should be able to piece together the shattered
remains I call my life. Well hopefully anyways. Remember, you can
always email or message me, it's completely confidential, but if you need
someone to talk to and you don't want me to know who you are, you
can make a fake email address and email me at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com
I will try my best to help out, and prank emails will be ignored. My blog
isn't only to help females, despite the name. I HAVE had men email and
message me for advice, men who are with someone that is in the military,
and men that are in the military trying to make a relationship work.

04 November 2011

Day 38, I have to "reserve" my boyfriend?

"I'm a strong person, but every now and then I would like someone to take my hand
and say everything will be alright."

Yeah, he called yesterday and I had to call this number and reserve him like he's a
freaking hotel or something. And then, they weren't even going to let me because
I'm not a direct family member. So of course, I did what I do best and I cried...the
woman put me on hold and talked to her supervisor. Needless to say, I will be with
my boyfriend for Thanksgiving, I successfully reserved him. Doesn't the Air Force
realize that these men and woman are people too? Damn.

03 November 2011

Day 37, I love you means....

""I love you” means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. “I love you” means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me."

This is so true, that is what love is, but apparently, that is too hard to ask for from most people.
If you truly love someone, you are going to accept them for the person they are, you are
going to show them that you love and appreciate them no matter what. If you are with someone
and they cannot do this for you, they do not love you. It's harsh, but it is true. Honestly, you
need to find the person who loves the person that you are, and stick with them. There is someone
out there for everyone, you just have to not settle for someone who seems right. You cant have any 
doubts, you have to be all in. Dating in the military is hard, but you have to be sure or it's not
going to work.

02 November 2011

Day 36, I'm in a mood.

"There's always a little truth behind every 'just kidding,' a little knowledge
behind every 'I don't know,' a little emotion behind every 'I don't care,' and
a little pain behind every 'it's okay.'"

Have you ever had a very serious conversation that makes you second guess yourself?
You know how confused that makes you? Well, I had about 5 of those conversations
last night, and well now....I have no idea what I want anymore. I'm talking about my
future here, this is MY future. I hate second guessing myself. Whatever, fuck emotional
turmoil. I haven't recieved any letters this week, somethings changed with him..I just
know it. Part of me really fears what his next letter will say. Maybe I'm just being
a typical, over-emotional, psychopathic woman. Yup, I think so, or maybe not.
Oh my god, I'm wigging myself out right now. When all else fails, tilt your head and
squint. (Dont ask, I don't know how that is supposed to help) Maybe when BMT
is over I will be able to figure myself out and stop second guessing every single thing
that I do. I miss my Airman, that is something that I know for sure. 20 more days
until I'm San Antonio bound. :)

01 November 2011

Day 35, it's a rarity

"True love is rare, and it's the only thing that gives life real meaning."

I'm so tired, like seriously. Thank god my boss decided to give me this
Thursday off like I asked, I've been so run down. I'm exhausted, this whole
thing is pretty much kicking my ass. I miss my boyfriend, he's my best friend,
my love, and so much more. I can't wait for the next 3 weeks to go by
so I can fly down to Texas, I'm not going to want to leave, that's for sure.
But after I leave Texas, it will be less than a month until it's time for him to
come home for Christmas. <3 I'm so lucky that I will not only get to spend
Thanksgiving with him, I will also get to spend Christmas with him. The
holiday season this year will be very blessed for me. :) I just know that what
I have with him is very rare and I probably couldn't find it with anyone else
if I wanted to. It is most definitely a rarity, and I'm not complaining.