Day 42, FML FML FML

FML FML FML.......
I got a letter yesterday, it was nice. Unexpected, but nice. I have exactly two weeks left
until I leave for San Antonio...my ADHD has been really bad the past few days, it's stress
induced. I need more help at work, geniunely. I need help with my classes and with my
homework. I need someone to love on me, I have great friends who love on me and pamper
me, but now it's the work week and they're gone...and now I'm deprived. :( I can't wait
until my shopping day on Friday, I get to go shop and have girl time with Mikaela.
I am so ready for Thanksgiving to come! I miss my airman, it'll be nice to see him again that's
for sure. :)

"He's not perfect."

"He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect.
But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if
he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him
the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you
every moment, but he will give you part of him that he knows you could break.
Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't
analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss
him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect
guys don't exist, but there's always on guy that is perfect for you."
-Bob Marley

If you love someone, don't hold it back. Could you live with watching the person you
love marry another person? So you're not perfect, you don't have to be, maybe you
are the perfect person for her. There's no such thing as caring too much for someone,
you HAVE to tell them that you care, it's never too late. Somethings you just have to
get off your chest, no matter what the situation may be. I know I have already posted
today, but I saw this quote and it was so spot on, it made my heart hurt.

Days 39, 40, and 41, I'm in a terrible mood.

Despite the events of the past 48 hours, I had a great weekend. I should be in
a great mood today...but I've come to the conclusion that I have these feelings
that I need to get off my chest. I'm not sure if it's a smart idea, but whatever...
I have to do it anyways. I can't live with myself knowing that I haven't been
completely honest with my friends.This is my life and I'm not going to let anyone tell
me how to live it. I know this really has nothing to do with my boyfriend
who's at basic, and my apologies to my readers. I literally only talked
to him like 3 minutes yesterday, nothing great happened, nothing sweet
happened, we didn't have time to talk. He let me know that he won't be writing
 me this week. I realize that I sound like a bitch right now but for the time being I'm just
kind of numb, I have some serious shit going on in my life right now, so
my stress level is through the roof. I'm more than ready for this to be over with,
after Thanksgiving I should be able to piece together the shattered
remains I call my life. Well hopefully anyways. Remember, you can
always email or message me, it's completely confidential, but if you need
someone to talk to and you don't want me to know who you are, you
can make a fake email address and email me at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com
I will try my best to help out, and prank emails will be ignored. My blog
isn't only to help females, despite the name. I HAVE had men email and
message me for advice, men who are with someone that is in the military,
and men that are in the military trying to make a relationship work.

Day 38, I have to "reserve" my boyfriend?

"I'm a strong person, but every now and then I would like someone to take my hand
and say everything will be alright."

Yeah, he called yesterday and I had to call this number and reserve him like he's a
freaking hotel or something. And then, they weren't even going to let me because
I'm not a direct family member. So of course, I did what I do best and I cried...the
woman put me on hold and talked to her supervisor. Needless to say, I will be with
my boyfriend for Thanksgiving, I successfully reserved him. Doesn't the Air Force
realize that these men and woman are people too? Damn.

Day 37, I love you means....

""I love you” means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. “I love you” means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me."

This is so true, that is what love is, but apparently, that is too hard to ask for from most people.
If you truly love someone, you are going to accept them for the person they are, you are
going to show them that you love and appreciate them no matter what. If you are with someone
and they cannot do this for you, they do not love you. It's harsh, but it is true. Honestly, you
need to find the person who loves the person that you are, and stick with them. There is someone
out there for everyone, you just have to not settle for someone who seems right. You cant have any 
doubts, you have to be all in. Dating in the military is hard, but you have to be sure or it's not
going to work.

Day 36, I'm in a mood.

"There's always a little truth behind every 'just kidding,' a little knowledge
behind every 'I don't know,' a little emotion behind every 'I don't care,' and
a little pain behind every 'it's okay.'"

Have you ever had a very serious conversation that makes you second guess yourself?
You know how confused that makes you? Well, I had about 5 of those conversations
last night, and well now....I have no idea what I want anymore. I'm talking about my
future here, this is MY future. I hate second guessing myself. Whatever, fuck emotional
turmoil. I haven't recieved any letters this week, somethings changed with him..I just
know it. Part of me really fears what his next letter will say. Maybe I'm just being
a typical, over-emotional, psychopathic woman. Yup, I think so, or maybe not.
Oh my god, I'm wigging myself out right now. When all else fails, tilt your head and
squint. (Dont ask, I don't know how that is supposed to help) Maybe when BMT
is over I will be able to figure myself out and stop second guessing every single thing
that I do. I miss my Airman, that is something that I know for sure. 20 more days
until I'm San Antonio bound. :)

Day 35, it's a rarity

"True love is rare, and it's the only thing that gives life real meaning."

I'm so tired, like seriously. Thank god my boss decided to give me this
Thursday off like I asked, I've been so run down. I'm exhausted, this whole
thing is pretty much kicking my ass. I miss my boyfriend, he's my best friend,
my love, and so much more. I can't wait for the next 3 weeks to go by
so I can fly down to Texas, I'm not going to want to leave, that's for sure.
But after I leave Texas, it will be less than a month until it's time for him to
come home for Christmas. <3 I'm so lucky that I will not only get to spend
Thanksgiving with him, I will also get to spend Christmas with him. The
holiday season this year will be very blessed for me. :) I just know that what
I have with him is very rare and I probably couldn't find it with anyone else
if I wanted to. It is most definitely a rarity, and I'm not complaining.