Days 28, 29, and 30, your happiness is not more important.

Let me rant for a minute, my airman treats me like his happiness
is more important than mine, and it in fact, isn't. not one
bit. Just because he is in the military doesn't make him
more important than me. I stay home, I wait on him..I don't have
to. Supporting him is like a full time job on top of my own job,
it's not easy, it's never been easy. So why does he get to act
like I do nothing, like his happiness is more important than mine.
Doesn't it matter what I want? Does my hopes and dreams for the
future even matter to him anymore? I don't even know. He acts
like I'm no where near as important as him and then pretends
to be all sweet and acts offended when I finally get pissed about
it. Okay, rant over.
This weekend was of course, uneventful. We texted mostly and
played words with friends. (By the way, great game to play with
your Airman while he is away..as long as you both have Android
powered phones or iPhones.) He finally read a little bit of
this blog, my wonderful baby..he didn't seem impressed. Leave it
to a man. I love this blog, I love the wonderful people that
I have met through this blog, and I never want to give it up.
There's nothing like being in a military relationship, it's
something that words can never describe, and when you start
arguing with all this distance between you, it's so hard to deal.
It's like your ability to function is just taken from you,
I'll be honest, we've argued like crazy lately, over everything.
We are driving each other crazy, I can't sleep or eat...I feel
terrible. I hate arguing with all of this distance between us,
it's so hard. As always, all of you wonderful people can contact
me through email: diaryofanairforcegirlfriend@aol.com OR facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend OR twitter:
@willis_lacey

Day 25, it's constant irritation.

I find myself getting constantly irritated with my bf, I know he is busy, I really do.
But is it that hard to text me back when he is off duty? I seriously get irritated with
him, it's ridiculous for him to take hours to text me back while he is off duty. I
know that he wants to spend time with his friends and such, but damn..I wait
all damn day to hear from him. I want to say a special thank you to the ladies who
emailed me last night with useful information about marraige in the USAF, it was
a big help!! I'm also doing a little research on my own, and I will be putting a
blog up with the information that I find here in a few days!! I'm getting super
excited about planning my trip to Lackland (the second time!!), I can't wait
until I get to order all of my tickets and such. :) I've had a few ladies email
me from addresses that have return emails blocked, so I am sorry if I haven't
replied, but I kinda can't. If you don't hear from me, send me a message on
facebook. :) As always, you can email me at: diaryofanairforcegirlfriend@aol.com
or check out The Diary's facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend
or now you can even follow me on twitter: @willis_lacey
Thank you for all of your continued support!!

Day 23, Christmas Exodus, and Day 24.

I had a wonderful break with my Airman ladies, I hope the ones of you that
got to spend it with your Airman did too!! I just want to say that I'm so glad
that I have you ladies, and this blog. I have a wonderful surprise for you ladies,
and I will let you know what it is soon enough. ;) I will be flying back to San
Antonio to spend time with my Airman at the end of February, I'm excited to
get the tickets ordered so I can start my countdown again. Sorry I didn't write
during exodus, but I couldn't bear to spend time doing anything else but spend
time with my wonderful Airman while he was home. I dropped him off at the
airport yesterday afternoon and the tears in his eyes nearly killed me. It hurts
to know that once again I am going to go weeks without seeing him, but I
am truly glad that I have had the honor of experiencing life as an USAF
girlfriend. It's a great experience. I'm sure by now all of you know that D
has a year and a half remote deployment to South Korea, which is scary
enough. While he was home we weighed our options, to get married before
he leaves or not to. To get married while he is still in tech, or to do it after he
gets out. I want to know your opinions ladies. What paperwork is neccesary
to fill out if you get married to someone in the Air Force? What do we need
to know to make life a little easier on us? Anyone who knows or just wants
to give me an opinion, email me at: diaryofanairforcegirlfriend@aol.com or
check out the diary's facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend
Here are some pictures from his time back home:

Day 17, one more week. :)

I can't believe he'll be home in one more week, I'm pretty excited. I'll get 12 days with
him. 12 whole freaking days...it's so weird, we used to spend every single day together
and now I'm excited for only 12 days. Haha, what is really going to suck is the three
months that he goes back for tech school. I know I've been really lucky though, I've
got to talk to him and see him more than most people. Like his graduation, he got an
extra day because of Thanksgiving, and it hasn't even been a month since I was in
Texas. I guess I should count my blessings, I know a lot of my readers will be
spending this holiday season without their Airman and my heart goes out to each
and every one of you. You can email me or message me on facebook if you need
someone to talk to; I usually get back to emails and messages pretty quick, at least
I try to. I hope everyone is doing good today. :)
Email me at: diaryofanairforcegirlfriend@aol.com
or facebook me at: http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Air Force Girlfriend Designs. :)

Gonna start doing more of these, I love putting my computer genius to use. :)
I'm even going to start doing personalized ones so if you'd like send me
an email: Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or contact me via facebook at:
http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Day 9, he apologizes...

This morning he called me and apologized for not being able to talk to me much. It was really sweet, it made my day...even though I am sick and couldn't even go
to work. I'm so excited....14 days. :) I hope I'm better by then, heading to the doctor
again today to go get some more testing done to see what is going on and why this
antibiodic isn't helping. I want some chicken noodle soup. Also, I want to address
something that has been bothering me. Military significant others (girlfriends AND
wives) should support each other, we are all fighting the same fight so why tear
each other down? All of our men are fighting for the same thing, so why are we
arguing amongst each other? Yes, I'm a military girlfriend, I'm not a wife, there is
not a ring on my finger. BUT I love my airman more than I love myself, I've been
with him for 4 years. It would KILL me if something happened to him just like it
would if I were his wife, it hurts me that we spend so much time apart just like it
would if I were his wife, I worry about him and his safety every single day just like
it would if I were his wife, and I love him with my entire heart just like I would if I
were his wife. So why are we spending so much time judging each other and sticking
our noses in the air? We're doing the same thing just in a different way. Thank you
everyone for all your continued support, as always feel free to email me at:
laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or contact me through our facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Days 6, 7, and 8.I'm begining to like this.

It's not as good as seeing him every day, but being able to hear his voice every day is
pretty awesome. :) I still wish I was in San Antonio, I loved San Antonio...I belong in
Texas. I'm having a weak day today, I've been really sick and I literally just feel like
laying around all day. I'm surprised I even got out of the bed today, this bronchitis is
kicking my ass. It is so great waking up to texts and phone calls from my Airman, even
if he blows my phone up when I'm at work. I prefer my phone ringing off the hook more
than no contact at all. I have like 14 days until he's coming home for Christmas<3
Yay for spending Christmas with my Airman! :) I know some of my fellow military
girlfriends/wives will be spending this Christmas without their military man so I know that
I am truly blessed to have him this holiday season. My heart goes out to the families
that will be spending the holidays without their loved ones, I can't imagine the feeling.
Always know that I am here to offer advice for you, you can email me at
Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or you can contact me through the Diary of an Air
Force Girlfriend facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Day 52, I'm having fun :)

Now that the end of BMT is near, I'm finally able to let go and have fun because I know in
just a few short days I am going to be reunited with my love<3 In the past few days I
have been very upbeat and excited. I feel so much less stress now. It's great knowing
that BMT is almost over, I can't wait. I am going to have so much to be thankful for
this Thanksgiving. 4 days until my flight leaves for San Antonio, 4 days until I begin this
long journey into being an Air Force girlfriend. I'm nervous but I have a wonderful support
system. <3

Day 51, this is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life?

Thank you so much to all the awesome people that I have met through this blog! Just yesterday
I found an awesome group on facebook that I wish I had discovered earlier, it's called Airman
Swag, this group is great and I was immediately welcomed in! I highly encourage all of my readers
that are on facebook to check it out! Thank you to Airman Swag, Military Issued Girlfriends, my
friends, my family, and my boyfriends family! I've loved hearing from all of you, and I highly
encourage you to send emails to Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send me a private message
on facebook. Anything you tell me or ask advice about is completely confedential. I love all the
feedback and I can't wait to hear from more of you.

But anyways, this whole experience has been very difficult for me to deal with and the past 8
weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. In 5 short days I will be reunited with my best
friend and my love. I know that fighting this battle will be completely worth it when I finally get
to be in his arms again. My life is turning out to be completely different than what I expected,
I'm a military girlfriend...I'm an AIR FORCE girlfriend, and I'm so proud. I love telling people how
amazingly proud I am of my boyfriend. When I get to San Antonio, my life is going to change forever,
being a military girlfriend will finally be set in stone. This is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life,
living through letters and the occasional phone call, spending months apart from the man I love,
and holding my breath hoping and praying that the day I get to be in his arms again will come quicker.
I can't wait<3

Day 50, a few phone calls this week?

He finally called last night, and he let me know that he is probably going to get
a few phone calls this week. :) That's exciting considering I've barely had any time
to talk to him since he's been gone. I've quit writing letters because it takes about a
week for them to get there. I can't wait. Hopefully it'll be everything I've been hoping
for. I'm so afraid that I will be disappointed when I get down there, although I'm
pretty sure I will be too excited to be disappointed. It's terrible that I won't be
able to hug him or kiss him when I very first see him, I won't even be able to hold
his hand. I think that is going to be the hardest part. But it's all going to be worth
it in the end. It better be.

Day 49, exactly one week to go!!

In one week I will be flying down to Texas! I'm so freaking excited!!! I can
barely sit still thinking about going down there! I can't wait for cuddle time,
oh how I love to cuddle. <3 I'm so excited. :) It'll be great. I love him very
much and I miss him even more. I'm hoping for maybe a letter or phone
call this week. 7 more days:) This trip is so expensive but I have a feeling that
when I get down there it will be so worth it. :)

Days 46, 47, and 48, I'm officially on Ritalin

haha, I know that is completely unrelated to anything..but the stress of this whole
situation has thrown my ADHD all out of whack and now I'm 18 years old and
on freaking Ritalin. I understand how Ritalin works now, it fucks the kids up too
bad for them to be all hyper and jittery. yup, that's how it works. I hate this.
OMFG, I wanna go home and go to sleep, if this phone rings one more time I might
hurt someone, I seriously might need my ADHD symptoms to be in full swing for
me to be able to function at work. I'm going to flip out, right now...I am. But on the
plus side, I have 8 days until I fly to Texas! I am so excited. I didn't even get a phone
call this weekend, which really sucks...maybe he will get to call one day this week,
I'm not sure if he knows my new number yet, but hopefully his parents will give it
to him. I'm going this Friday to get the new iPhone, I'm excited. :) Yay for having
Siri to do stuff for me. :) I'm so excited about Texas!!! I need to pack my bags still,
wooooooo, I can't wait to get to San Antonio. :)

Day 45, Happy Veterans Day!

Thank you to all the men and women who have served our country and the ones who
currently do, especially my Airman, AB Gilreath<3 I'll see you in just a few days babe.

Day 44, getting everything together for my trip...

Planning a trip is stressful, no wonder my parents always hated planning vacations.
I'm ready to get this over with, I'm nervous about flying down there by myself and
stuff. I have to get a taxi by myself, I have to do all sorts of things by myself, it's
awful. I don't wanna grow up and be on my own yet. :( I can't wait to get down
there though, I've heard that San Antonio is gorgeous, and it'll be great to finally
see my Airman after 8 long weeks. I'm ready for cuddle time...cuddle time will
be good. :) I wonder what all we are going to do when I'm down there...I wanna
shop while I'm there, that might piss him off though, he hates to shop. Whatever,
I will drag him anyways and he can buy me pretty things. lmao, jk I have my own
money. :)

Day 43, I'm not even sure what to say...

For like the past twelve hours, I have been at a complete loss for words, I've made like
four life changing decisions and I'm honestly a little scared. But I have come to the
realization that I am the only person who can make me happy. MY happiness is what
is really important, not everyone elses. It's taken me a long time to come to this
conclusion and damn it, I like it. I'm a person with thoughts and feelings, and I'm tired
of no one else realizing that. I'm so sick of people lying to me because they think that's
what would be best for me, how about you let ME decide, it is my life. I'm sick of everytime
I don't kiss everyone else's ass, people get pissed at me, and yet I'm the one getting used
like a doormat 24/7. Forget that, fuck that, I'm done with it. I'm my own fucking person,
now watch me make myself happy. I know that none of my recent posts have really been
about being a military girlfriend, but right now I honestly have some bigger shit going on in
my life...I do miss my Airman, and it will only be 13 days until I see him again. Less than
two weeks and I'm San Antonio bound. :)

Day 42, FML FML FML

FML FML FML.......
I got a letter yesterday, it was nice. Unexpected, but nice. I have exactly two weeks left
until I leave for San Antonio...my ADHD has been really bad the past few days, it's stress
induced. I need more help at work, geniunely. I need help with my classes and with my
homework. I need someone to love on me, I have great friends who love on me and pamper
me, but now it's the work week and they're gone...and now I'm deprived. :( I can't wait
until my shopping day on Friday, I get to go shop and have girl time with Mikaela.
I am so ready for Thanksgiving to come! I miss my airman, it'll be nice to see him again that's
for sure. :)

Days 39, 40, and 41, I'm in a terrible mood.

Despite the events of the past 48 hours, I had a great weekend. I should be in
a great mood today...but I've come to the conclusion that I have these feelings
that I need to get off my chest. I'm not sure if it's a smart idea, but whatever...
I have to do it anyways. I can't live with myself knowing that I haven't been
completely honest with my friends.This is my life and I'm not going to let anyone tell
me how to live it. I know this really has nothing to do with my boyfriend
who's at basic, and my apologies to my readers. I literally only talked
to him like 3 minutes yesterday, nothing great happened, nothing sweet
happened, we didn't have time to talk. He let me know that he won't be writing
 me this week. I realize that I sound like a bitch right now but for the time being I'm just
kind of numb, I have some serious shit going on in my life right now, so
my stress level is through the roof. I'm more than ready for this to be over with,
after Thanksgiving I should be able to piece together the shattered
remains I call my life. Well hopefully anyways. Remember, you can
always email or message me, it's completely confidential, but if you need
someone to talk to and you don't want me to know who you are, you
can make a fake email address and email me at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com
I will try my best to help out, and prank emails will be ignored. My blog
isn't only to help females, despite the name. I HAVE had men email and
message me for advice, men who are with someone that is in the military,
and men that are in the military trying to make a relationship work.

Day 38, I have to "reserve" my boyfriend?

"I'm a strong person, but every now and then I would like someone to take my hand
and say everything will be alright."

Yeah, he called yesterday and I had to call this number and reserve him like he's a
freaking hotel or something. And then, they weren't even going to let me because
I'm not a direct family member. So of course, I did what I do best and I cried...the
woman put me on hold and talked to her supervisor. Needless to say, I will be with
my boyfriend for Thanksgiving, I successfully reserved him. Doesn't the Air Force
realize that these men and woman are people too? Damn.

Day 35, it's a rarity

"True love is rare, and it's the only thing that gives life real meaning."

I'm so tired, like seriously. Thank god my boss decided to give me this
Thursday off like I asked, I've been so run down. I'm exhausted, this whole
thing is pretty much kicking my ass. I miss my boyfriend, he's my best friend,
my love, and so much more. I can't wait for the next 3 weeks to go by
so I can fly down to Texas, I'm not going to want to leave, that's for sure.
But after I leave Texas, it will be less than a month until it's time for him to
come home for Christmas. <3 I'm so lucky that I will not only get to spend
Thanksgiving with him, I will also get to spend Christmas with him. The
holiday season this year will be very blessed for me. :) I just know that what
I have with him is very rare and I probably couldn't find it with anyone else
if I wanted to. It is most definitely a rarity, and I'm not complaining.

Days 32, 33, and 34, He called, and somethings wrong

"Without you in my arms I feel an emptiness in my soul, I find myself searching
the crowds for your face-I know it's an impossibility, but I cannot help
myself."

He sounded awful on the phone, he sounded tired and beat down..poor thing.
It just really worries me because he has been so upbeat the entire time, I guess
the pressure is really starting to get to him...I hope he can stay stong, it hurt so
bad to hear him sound so pitiful. Is this normal? Do all the Airmen do this, do they
all get this stressed and tired right here in week 5? We're so close to the end of
this, only 22 days to go...I'm so afraid that he's just changed his mind about us.
God, I hope not....I'm so worried about him, I need him to stay strong, just for these
last three weeks, and then he can break, I'll be there then. I feel so helpless, like
seriously...I've never felt like this before, I just want to help him but I can't.
They took 6 hours off of his town pass, and now his debit card is messed up so
he's having to borrow money from people..I know he's under a tremendous amount
of stress, I just hope it gets better for him. I hope he knows that I miss him more
than anything and I'm honestly going crazy without him here. I'm just ready for this
to be over with.