30 November 2011

Day 3, this is so much different than what I expected.

"You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you
I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together."

I worry too much. I never thought I would spend the entire time he's in Tech School
worrying about him, but I am. I'm afraid he's going to get in trouble. When he texts
me I worry about if anyone else is going to see it, I find myself thinking really hard
about what I'm going to say back. I'm so paranoid about this. All he talks about is
how all the females are desperate whores and they are trying to get attention from
anyone that will give it to them. I know he only tells me this because he wants me to
trust him completely and he doesn't want to have secrets, but it REALLY doesn't make
me feel better. I love my boyfriend, I've been with this kid for like 4 years, 2 of which
I've known he was going to be in the military. This is harder than anything I ever imagined,
it's so hard to stay strong when he's halfway across the country. Part of me wants to cry
and beg him to come home every single time he calls, I know he can't come home, I
know he's trying to protect our country, and I know I have years of deployments,
holidays spent apart, and weeks without contact in my future. When he was sworn in
I made the decision to stay in this mans life, I made this decision knowing that he was
going to make a career out of the Air Force. We have 5 years until he signs the papers again,
19 years until he is supposed to retire, but even after that, he'll probably stay in...he loves
it so far. I love this man, I love the sacrifice he's willing to make to not only ensure that we
have a good future, but also to protect his country. Being a military girlfriend is so much more
than just supporting him, it's dealing with the fact that you don't get to have a say, you don't
have the option of moving in with him, it's dealing with the fact that because you don't have a
ring on your finger you don't have any rights when it comes to your military man. I love this man,
this man is my best friend, the love of my life, and my hero, I'd never give up on him. I get out
of bed every single morning and fight so he'll be proud. He honestly puts the smile on my face,
the light in my eyes, and the love in my heart. He still hasn't had the chance to read this blog,
but I'm pretty sure he will love it. <3

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