Days 19-22, it's been a while...

Sorry I haven't wrote much, I've been so busy because of Christmas:) D is coming home in 2 days, I've been trying to get everything prepared for him. All my Christmas shopping is DONE haha, finally. Friday night o found out that D is getting deployed to south Korea in April, for a year and a half. :/ I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, I do know I'm devastated and could use some advice/support. Email: diaryofanairforcegirlfriend@aol.com or fb us at: http://www.Facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend :)

Day 18, 10 days til Christmas:)

I cant wait. I'm so excited that I get to spend it with D. I know he is extremely excited that he is getting to come home. I've decided that I'm probably getting him the new call of duty. I know he wants it. What man doesn't want it? Haha. I hope he likes it as much as I hope he will. As always feel free to email me at: diaryofanairforcegirlfriend@aol.com or contact me through the diary's Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Day 17, one more week. :)

I can't believe he'll be home in one more week, I'm pretty excited. I'll get 12 days with
him. 12 whole freaking days...it's so weird, we used to spend every single day together
and now I'm excited for only 12 days. Haha, what is really going to suck is the three
months that he goes back for tech school. I know I've been really lucky though, I've
got to talk to him and see him more than most people. Like his graduation, he got an
extra day because of Thanksgiving, and it hasn't even been a month since I was in
Texas. I guess I should count my blessings, I know a lot of my readers will be
spending this holiday season without their Airman and my heart goes out to each
and every one of you. You can email me or message me on facebook if you need
someone to talk to; I usually get back to emails and messages pretty quick, at least
I try to. I hope everyone is doing good today. :)
Email me at: diaryofanairforcegirlfriend@aol.com
or facebook me at: http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Day 16, trying to enjoy my time off of work and school

I am currently off of work and school, but of course I got called into work for tomorrow. And I'm not even getting paid for it. I still can't believe there is only 8 more days until I am reunited with my love, again! I can't wait, I can't believe it's almost Christmas. I think I have a good idea for D's Christmas present. What is everyone getting there s/o's for Christmas? Feel free to email me at: laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or contact me through the diary's fb page: http://www.Facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Days 13, 14, and 15, preparing for him to come home. :)

"Because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you at all."

Yes, he is coming home soon....next wednesday to be exact. :) I have 9 days.
I can't wait for cuddle time, some people just don't know how lucky they
are because they can cuddle with their s/o all the time. I miss that. I really do.
What I'm really dreading is the fact that after he leaves again it will be a long
3 months before I will get to see him again, maybe. I might fly down to San
Antonio again while he is in tech school. It'll be very expensive, but I do think
it will be worth it. This time I think I'm going to try to get a hotel that is right
outside of the base though. I might try to make it down there for Valentines day,
how sweet would that be? This weekend was interesting...to say the least.
We kind of argued, but kind of not really argued. We got mad at each other
but both were like I'm not going to argue with you right now, so I guess that
is a good thing. I'm so afraid that this whole thing is going to blow up in my face.
Is that normal? One of my worst fears is that I'm doing all of this for nothing,
and in the end he's just going to end it. I've done all of this waiting, and dealt
with so much heartbreak, I don't know if I could take it if he did end it.
I love the boy, and I trust that he loves me, so I guess I just have to hold on
for the ride. But I'm so excited for him to come home, although I still haven't
come up with a good Christmas present for him...I'm still welcoming suggestions
from my readers. :) As always, feel free to email me at: laceylovesdukex3@aol.com
or contact me via The Diary's facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Air Force Girlfriend Designs. :)

Gonna start doing more of these, I love putting my computer genius to use. :)
I'm even going to start doing personalized ones so if you'd like send me
an email: Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or contact me via facebook at:
http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Day 12, I'm begining to accept this.

"I'm not a perfect girl. I'll annoy you, piss you off, say stupid stuff, and then take
 it all back. But all that aside, you'll never find a girl who loves you more than me."

I'm just starting to realize that this is how it's always going to be. A few short phone calls
while he is off duty, and then no contact for a while. When he gets deployed, it will
be worse. It's a tough pill to swallow. I love this man though, so I'm willing to accept
all of this. All I want in return is a promise that he's not going anywhere. I've already
let him know that I'm not going to play the games that some Airmen do when they are
in tech school, I'm not doing the break up and get back together 50 times thing. I
know he'd never do something that immature, but I honestly couldn't deal with the
emotional trauma of all that. Now if something was wrong, like he just got home
from combat and had PTSD, I would stick through anything to stay with him, but
I'm not dealing with a bunch of nonsense for no good reason. Don't get me wrong,
I love him more than I love even myself, but I've been through too much in my life
to stick around through bullshit I have the option to bow out of. With that said,
that is my personal opinion, you are entitled to agree or disagree. I have respect for
the women who can deal with the many break ups and still stay around, it takes a
determined person to do that. I'm not trying to be disrespectful to women who
have dealt with it, I'm just saying that I'm not going to, but another thing is that every
circumstance is different. As you all should know by now, I'm blunt about the way
I feel and I'm not going to hold back. It's a blessing and a curse. Of course all of
you love it, or you wouldn't still be reading. :) I've been debating on whether
or not to start writing D letters again, I know we can talk on the phone now, but
I love the idea of pen and paper love letters. I wonder if he will even write back?
He better. So I think I'm decided, I will be writing him letters again. Another thing
is I am still completely lost about what to get him for Christmas. I usually have all kind
of cute ideas by now, but I'm still completely lost. The only thing I've done for him
is print him out every Diary of an Air Force Girlfriend entry and make a book out of
them, which I'm printing and updating every day for him.
As always you can email: laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or you can visit The Diary's
facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Thanks to all of you, I love hearing from you guys!
-Lacey :)

How to survive AFBMT.

I just realized that I haven't really posted any tips on how to survive AFBMT.
This is for the readers with an Airman currently in BMT. :)

How to survive when your other half is in AFBMT: (Plus some tips for grad week)

• Stay busy, choose a big project and stick to it.
• Join a support group. (Airman Swag, Military Issued Girlfriends, ect.)
• Talk to other military s/o's, they can help answer questions.
• Pamper yourself. (Admit it, you don't have much time to get your hair and nails done when your Airman is at home.)
• Keep a diary, maybe not a public one, but maybe keep one for him to see when he gets home. OR just keep a personal one that no one else can see.
• Go out for a night on the town, go dancing, go out to dinner, take your girl friends and have a good time!
• It's normal to feel guilty when you have fun while he is stuck in miserable BMT, but you deserve it.
• Curl up with a good book, or watch a good movie. (I do not recommend Dear John, I cried for hours after watching it. Good movie, just not a brilliant idea to watch it while he's in basic and your only communication is letters.)
• Stay strong.
• Write him a letter every night before bed, write to him as if your talking to him on the phone about your day.
• When you send him letters include pictures of yourself, you guys together, or of their pets.
• Send him funny pictures, D got a kick out of it and so did the rest of the men in his flight.
• Make sure to always tell him that you love him, reassure that you are there for him and you aren't going any where.
• When you get to talk to him on the phone, joke with him, there isn't much time for laughing in basic.
• If you can't wait until you get to kiss him, hold his hand, or give him hugs, tell him that. Let him know you miss him, he needs that reassurance.
• The simple fact is, many girls end things with their Airman while they are in basic, you need to let him know that you are not that girl.
• It's gonna be hard, you've got to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. You have to get up in the morning and kick ass! You have to be independent.
• Buy yourself some AF pride gear, especially if you are going to BMT graduation!
• Always let him know how proud you are of him. He needs your support.
• Stay faithful, you will have moments of weakness, but don't do it.
• If you go to his graduation, buy him some candy. (Trust me, buy A LOT)
• At the coin ceremony, he isn't allowed to move until you touch him and talk to him; even then, he will be afraid to move.
• Yell for him during the Airman's run, make signs, wear air force gear, you won't be alone.
• It might take you a while to recognize your Airman at the graduation ceremony, don't feel bad, they all look the same with their shaved heads.
• Take a ton of pictures!!
• Your Airman will pretty much talk a different language during the first few hours, just tell them to put it in civilian terms.
• ABSOLUTELY no PDA in uniform, don't take it personally. Don't even do it off base, off duty MTI's will bitch them out in public. (holding hands and interlocking arms is PDA)
• Don't touch your Airman's hat, don't do it, it will piss them off.
• When you visit dorms, if there is something shiny, do not step on it or touch it.
• Make sure your Airman makes curfew.
• Don't do anything that can be taken as flirting with his fellow Airmen.
• Honesty is key when it comes to military relationships.

If you are a military s/o who has survived BMT and you have any tips to add, feel free to email me
at laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or visit the Diary's facebook page and post it there.
http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Day 11, "You know what would make you feel better?"

Last night despite the fact that he was in a terrible mood, we talked for like an
hour and a half. He said that he is absolutely would not take me on a carriage
ride, so everytime he would start talking about how he is in a terrible mood,
I'd answer with: "You know what would make you feel better? Taking me on
a carriage ride." Although I am completely kidding, I could careless if he takes
me on a carriage ride, I was just giving him a hard time. So I think I'm pretty
much decided on sexy Mrs. Clause, almost every single email I got voted for
Mrs. Clause so I'm excited to go get my little costume. :) I do believe my
airman will love it. Of course he will love any outfit as long as I'm in it. :)
<3

Day 10, I'm lucky.

I'm lucky I have such a great man in my life. Last night we were talking and he
kept telling me how lucky he thinks he is to have me, and I was sitting there
thinking "no, wtf...I'm so lucky to have him." Needless to say, I'm so excited to
see him again. After everything I have been through in my life, I finally feel good
about this, I feel good about our relationship. Maybe everything will finally fall
into place for me, lord knows I need it. So we're in a debate right now, will
I dress up as a sexy Mrs Clause or a sexy elf for Christmas? hmm. Any
suggestions? Send them to laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or to
http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend  :) Thanks for reading<3

Day 9, he apologizes...

This morning he called me and apologized for not being able to talk to me much. It was really sweet, it made my day...even though I am sick and couldn't even go
to work. I'm so excited....14 days. :) I hope I'm better by then, heading to the doctor
again today to go get some more testing done to see what is going on and why this
antibiodic isn't helping. I want some chicken noodle soup. Also, I want to address
something that has been bothering me. Military significant others (girlfriends AND
wives) should support each other, we are all fighting the same fight so why tear
each other down? All of our men are fighting for the same thing, so why are we
arguing amongst each other? Yes, I'm a military girlfriend, I'm not a wife, there is
not a ring on my finger. BUT I love my airman more than I love myself, I've been
with him for 4 years. It would KILL me if something happened to him just like it
would if I were his wife, it hurts me that we spend so much time apart just like it
would if I were his wife, I worry about him and his safety every single day just like
it would if I were his wife, and I love him with my entire heart just like I would if I
were his wife. So why are we spending so much time judging each other and sticking
our noses in the air? We're doing the same thing just in a different way. Thank you
everyone for all your continued support, as always feel free to email me at:
laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or contact me through our facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Days 6, 7, and 8.I'm begining to like this.

It's not as good as seeing him every day, but being able to hear his voice every day is
pretty awesome. :) I still wish I was in San Antonio, I loved San Antonio...I belong in
Texas. I'm having a weak day today, I've been really sick and I literally just feel like
laying around all day. I'm surprised I even got out of the bed today, this bronchitis is
kicking my ass. It is so great waking up to texts and phone calls from my Airman, even
if he blows my phone up when I'm at work. I prefer my phone ringing off the hook more
than no contact at all. I have like 14 days until he's coming home for Christmas<3
Yay for spending Christmas with my Airman! :) I know some of my fellow military
girlfriends/wives will be spending this Christmas without their military man so I know that
I am truly blessed to have him this holiday season. My heart goes out to the families
that will be spending the holidays without their loved ones, I can't imagine the feeling.
Always know that I am here to offer advice for you, you can email me at
Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or you can contact me through the Diary of an Air
Force Girlfriend facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend

Day 5, I'm sick and I need to be loved on.

“In times of grief and sorrow I will hold you and rock you and take your grief and make it my own. When you cry I cry and when you hurt I hurt. And together we will try to hold back the floods to tears and despair and make it through the potholed street of life”



He's all the way in Texas, he can't love on me if he is in Texas. :( I need to be taken care
of right now. :( I hate this being apart thing, it's terrible. Stupid doctor put me on these
very strong antibiodics and now my stomach is killing me. But on another note, I'm going
Christmas shopping today and I'm super excited. I don't know what to get my Airman
for Christmas, I want it to be special. Like super special, I want it to be something he
looks at and is like awww. I want it to be something he never wants to be without.
email me your ideas at laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or post them to Diary of an
Air Force Girlfriends facebook page! www.facebook.com/diaryofanairforcegirlfriend
(did I forget to mention that we have expanded to facebook?) I highly encourage
you guys to join on facebook, I hate that I'm the only person that get's to have contact
with you guys. You could offer each other a lot of support. :) I'm so excited, 18 days
until I will be in my lovers arms again. I told him that I am going to attack him in the
airport and make a big scene. :) I cannot wait. Last night I did the cutest thing, I took
a deck of cards and on each one I wrote one reason why I love him...so now I have
52 reasons why I love him and I'm mailing them to him this weekend in his care package.
I hope he likes it.<3

Day 4, I HATE tech school, but I kinda love it.

It's hard getting used to being able to hear from him every day, because it's not very
dependable contact. We'll be talking and then he abruptly has to end the conversation
because he has to get something done. (details, pick up school supplies, ect.) He has
this newfound freedom and it scares the hell out of me, I know this is normal. I'm just
afraid he's going to do something stupid and mess his career up, or worse, our
relationship. It's really hard for me to accept that his job ALWAYS comes before me,
even though I've been around since before he started with the Air Force. I'm proud of
him, I'm proud of the sacrifices he's making to protect our country, but it is hard.
I love this man so I'm willing to endure it, the pain, the heartache, and even the lonely
nights. But that's all a part of being a military s/o, I have to put on my big girl panties
and deal with it. I have 19 days until he comes home for Christmas!! 19 days until
I get to cuddle with him OVERNIGHT, yes OVERNIGHT!!!! I will be able to lay
my head on his chest and sleep, I'll be able to play tug of war over the blankets again,
I'll be able to nudge him because his snoring is RIDICULOUS. I can't wait until
I get to ride in his truck and roll my eyes at his god awful singing. I love this boy,
and I'm so excited to see him again. <3

Day 3, this is so much different than what I expected.

"You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you
I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together."

I worry too much. I never thought I would spend the entire time he's in Tech School
worrying about him, but I am. I'm afraid he's going to get in trouble. When he texts
me I worry about if anyone else is going to see it, I find myself thinking really hard
about what I'm going to say back. I'm so paranoid about this. All he talks about is
how all the females are desperate whores and they are trying to get attention from
anyone that will give it to them. I know he only tells me this because he wants me to
trust him completely and he doesn't want to have secrets, but it REALLY doesn't make
me feel better. I love my boyfriend, I've been with this kid for like 4 years, 2 of which
I've known he was going to be in the military. This is harder than anything I ever imagined,
it's so hard to stay strong when he's halfway across the country. Part of me wants to cry
and beg him to come home every single time he calls, I know he can't come home, I
know he's trying to protect our country, and I know I have years of deployments,
holidays spent apart, and weeks without contact in my future. When he was sworn in
I made the decision to stay in this mans life, I made this decision knowing that he was
going to make a career out of the Air Force. We have 5 years until he signs the papers again,
19 years until he is supposed to retire, but even after that, he'll probably stay in...he loves
it so far. I love this man, I love the sacrifice he's willing to make to not only ensure that we
have a good future, but also to protect his country. Being a military girlfriend is so much more
than just supporting him, it's dealing with the fact that you don't get to have a say, you don't
have the option of moving in with him, it's dealing with the fact that because you don't have a
ring on your finger you don't have any rights when it comes to your military man. I love this man,
this man is my best friend, the love of my life, and my hero, I'd never give up on him. I get out
of bed every single morning and fight so he'll be proud. He honestly puts the smile on my face,
the light in my eyes, and the love in my heart. He still hasn't had the chance to read this blog,
but I'm pretty sure he will love it. <3

My SA trip, and Day 2 of tech school.

My trip to SA was wonderful! My surprise was a gorgeous princess cut diamond promise
ring. Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done. I wish I could describe the feeling I got
when I saw him the first time...I couldnt talk, all I could do was hug him, and cry. He's in tech
school now so I get to talk to him WAY more. Every day actually. I'm so ready for Christmas,
like 21 days until I get to see him again!! Yay for Christmas! I can't believe my trip is already
over, it's hard going from seeing him every day to not seeing him for like 20 some days.
BUT, at least BMT is over. I can't wait until I get to start skyping him every night and such.
BMT is OVER, I can breathe a little easier. <3

Day 56, San Antonio bound today. :)

I'm so excited!! I can't wait to get into my hotel suite. :) It will be so great!!
I'm a little nervous about flying alone, but it's going to have to be okay. I already
checked in for my flight, and have my boarding passes. I will be uploading plenty
of pics in the next few days. You're going to get a full picture tour of my
adventures in San Antonio! I can't believe I'm going to get to see my Airman
tomorrow. I'm actually going to get alone time with him tomorrow. It'll be
so great. :) 8.5 weeks flew by, and I have so many people to thank for that!!
I couldn't have made it through this without all of the wonderful people in my
life. <3 Thank you so much everyone.
So, this is the room I rented...I wonder if it will actually look like this.

Day 53, 54, and 55, tomorrows the day :)

I'm flying to San Antonio tomorrow!! I'm so excited! Dalton called last night and
he sounded so excited. Tomorrow night I will be laying my head on my pillow in
San Antonio, TX..and then on Wednesday I will be jumping into the arms of the
man that I love so dearly. <3 I love my Airman, and I'm so glad that I get to
be there to experience his graduation from AFBMT. I'M SO EXCITED!!

Day 52, I'm having fun :)

Now that the end of BMT is near, I'm finally able to let go and have fun because I know in
just a few short days I am going to be reunited with my love<3 In the past few days I
have been very upbeat and excited. I feel so much less stress now. It's great knowing
that BMT is almost over, I can't wait. I am going to have so much to be thankful for
this Thanksgiving. 4 days until my flight leaves for San Antonio, 4 days until I begin this
long journey into being an Air Force girlfriend. I'm nervous but I have a wonderful support
system. <3

Day 51, this is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life?

Thank you so much to all the awesome people that I have met through this blog! Just yesterday
I found an awesome group on facebook that I wish I had discovered earlier, it's called Airman
Swag, this group is great and I was immediately welcomed in! I highly encourage all of my readers
that are on facebook to check it out! Thank you to Airman Swag, Military Issued Girlfriends, my
friends, my family, and my boyfriends family! I've loved hearing from all of you, and I highly
encourage you to send emails to Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send me a private message
on facebook. Anything you tell me or ask advice about is completely confedential. I love all the
feedback and I can't wait to hear from more of you.

But anyways, this whole experience has been very difficult for me to deal with and the past 8
weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. In 5 short days I will be reunited with my best
friend and my love. I know that fighting this battle will be completely worth it when I finally get
to be in his arms again. My life is turning out to be completely different than what I expected,
I'm a military girlfriend...I'm an AIR FORCE girlfriend, and I'm so proud. I love telling people how
amazingly proud I am of my boyfriend. When I get to San Antonio, my life is going to change forever,
being a military girlfriend will finally be set in stone. This is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life,
living through letters and the occasional phone call, spending months apart from the man I love,
and holding my breath hoping and praying that the day I get to be in his arms again will come quicker.
I can't wait<3

Day 50, a few phone calls this week?

He finally called last night, and he let me know that he is probably going to get
a few phone calls this week. :) That's exciting considering I've barely had any time
to talk to him since he's been gone. I've quit writing letters because it takes about a
week for them to get there. I can't wait. Hopefully it'll be everything I've been hoping
for. I'm so afraid that I will be disappointed when I get down there, although I'm
pretty sure I will be too excited to be disappointed. It's terrible that I won't be
able to hug him or kiss him when I very first see him, I won't even be able to hold
his hand. I think that is going to be the hardest part. But it's all going to be worth
it in the end. It better be.

Day 49, exactly one week to go!!

In one week I will be flying down to Texas! I'm so freaking excited!!! I can
barely sit still thinking about going down there! I can't wait for cuddle time,
oh how I love to cuddle. <3 I'm so excited. :) It'll be great. I love him very
much and I miss him even more. I'm hoping for maybe a letter or phone
call this week. 7 more days:) This trip is so expensive but I have a feeling that
when I get down there it will be so worth it. :)

Days 46, 47, and 48, I'm officially on Ritalin

haha, I know that is completely unrelated to anything..but the stress of this whole
situation has thrown my ADHD all out of whack and now I'm 18 years old and
on freaking Ritalin. I understand how Ritalin works now, it fucks the kids up too
bad for them to be all hyper and jittery. yup, that's how it works. I hate this.
OMFG, I wanna go home and go to sleep, if this phone rings one more time I might
hurt someone, I seriously might need my ADHD symptoms to be in full swing for
me to be able to function at work. I'm going to flip out, right now...I am. But on the
plus side, I have 8 days until I fly to Texas! I am so excited. I didn't even get a phone
call this weekend, which really sucks...maybe he will get to call one day this week,
I'm not sure if he knows my new number yet, but hopefully his parents will give it
to him. I'm going this Friday to get the new iPhone, I'm excited. :) Yay for having
Siri to do stuff for me. :) I'm so excited about Texas!!! I need to pack my bags still,
wooooooo, I can't wait to get to San Antonio. :)

Day 45, Happy Veterans Day!

Thank you to all the men and women who have served our country and the ones who
currently do, especially my Airman, AB Gilreath<3 I'll see you in just a few days babe.

Day 44, getting everything together for my trip...

Planning a trip is stressful, no wonder my parents always hated planning vacations.
I'm ready to get this over with, I'm nervous about flying down there by myself and
stuff. I have to get a taxi by myself, I have to do all sorts of things by myself, it's
awful. I don't wanna grow up and be on my own yet. :( I can't wait to get down
there though, I've heard that San Antonio is gorgeous, and it'll be great to finally
see my Airman after 8 long weeks. I'm ready for cuddle time...cuddle time will
be good. :) I wonder what all we are going to do when I'm down there...I wanna
shop while I'm there, that might piss him off though, he hates to shop. Whatever,
I will drag him anyways and he can buy me pretty things. lmao, jk I have my own
money. :)

Day 43, I'm not even sure what to say...

For like the past twelve hours, I have been at a complete loss for words, I've made like
four life changing decisions and I'm honestly a little scared. But I have come to the
realization that I am the only person who can make me happy. MY happiness is what
is really important, not everyone elses. It's taken me a long time to come to this
conclusion and damn it, I like it. I'm a person with thoughts and feelings, and I'm tired
of no one else realizing that. I'm so sick of people lying to me because they think that's
what would be best for me, how about you let ME decide, it is my life. I'm sick of everytime
I don't kiss everyone else's ass, people get pissed at me, and yet I'm the one getting used
like a doormat 24/7. Forget that, fuck that, I'm done with it. I'm my own fucking person,
now watch me make myself happy. I know that none of my recent posts have really been
about being a military girlfriend, but right now I honestly have some bigger shit going on in
my life...I do miss my Airman, and it will only be 13 days until I see him again. Less than
two weeks and I'm San Antonio bound. :)

Day 42, FML FML FML

FML FML FML.......
I got a letter yesterday, it was nice. Unexpected, but nice. I have exactly two weeks left
until I leave for San Antonio...my ADHD has been really bad the past few days, it's stress
induced. I need more help at work, geniunely. I need help with my classes and with my
homework. I need someone to love on me, I have great friends who love on me and pamper
me, but now it's the work week and they're gone...and now I'm deprived. :( I can't wait
until my shopping day on Friday, I get to go shop and have girl time with Mikaela.
I am so ready for Thanksgiving to come! I miss my airman, it'll be nice to see him again that's
for sure. :)

"He's not perfect."

"He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect.
But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if
he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him
the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you
every moment, but he will give you part of him that he knows you could break.
Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't
analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss
him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect
guys don't exist, but there's always on guy that is perfect for you."
-Bob Marley

If you love someone, don't hold it back. Could you live with watching the person you
love marry another person? So you're not perfect, you don't have to be, maybe you
are the perfect person for her. There's no such thing as caring too much for someone,
you HAVE to tell them that you care, it's never too late. Somethings you just have to
get off your chest, no matter what the situation may be. I know I have already posted
today, but I saw this quote and it was so spot on, it made my heart hurt.

Days 39, 40, and 41, I'm in a terrible mood.

Despite the events of the past 48 hours, I had a great weekend. I should be in
a great mood today...but I've come to the conclusion that I have these feelings
that I need to get off my chest. I'm not sure if it's a smart idea, but whatever...
I have to do it anyways. I can't live with myself knowing that I haven't been
completely honest with my friends.This is my life and I'm not going to let anyone tell
me how to live it. I know this really has nothing to do with my boyfriend
who's at basic, and my apologies to my readers. I literally only talked
to him like 3 minutes yesterday, nothing great happened, nothing sweet
happened, we didn't have time to talk. He let me know that he won't be writing
 me this week. I realize that I sound like a bitch right now but for the time being I'm just
kind of numb, I have some serious shit going on in my life right now, so
my stress level is through the roof. I'm more than ready for this to be over with,
after Thanksgiving I should be able to piece together the shattered
remains I call my life. Well hopefully anyways. Remember, you can
always email or message me, it's completely confidential, but if you need
someone to talk to and you don't want me to know who you are, you
can make a fake email address and email me at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com
I will try my best to help out, and prank emails will be ignored. My blog
isn't only to help females, despite the name. I HAVE had men email and
message me for advice, men who are with someone that is in the military,
and men that are in the military trying to make a relationship work.

Day 38, I have to "reserve" my boyfriend?

"I'm a strong person, but every now and then I would like someone to take my hand
and say everything will be alright."

Yeah, he called yesterday and I had to call this number and reserve him like he's a
freaking hotel or something. And then, they weren't even going to let me because
I'm not a direct family member. So of course, I did what I do best and I cried...the
woman put me on hold and talked to her supervisor. Needless to say, I will be with
my boyfriend for Thanksgiving, I successfully reserved him. Doesn't the Air Force
realize that these men and woman are people too? Damn.

Day 37, I love you means....

""I love you” means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. “I love you” means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me."

This is so true, that is what love is, but apparently, that is too hard to ask for from most people.
If you truly love someone, you are going to accept them for the person they are, you are
going to show them that you love and appreciate them no matter what. If you are with someone
and they cannot do this for you, they do not love you. It's harsh, but it is true. Honestly, you
need to find the person who loves the person that you are, and stick with them. There is someone
out there for everyone, you just have to not settle for someone who seems right. You cant have any 
doubts, you have to be all in. Dating in the military is hard, but you have to be sure or it's not
going to work.

Day 36, I'm in a mood.

"There's always a little truth behind every 'just kidding,' a little knowledge
behind every 'I don't know,' a little emotion behind every 'I don't care,' and
a little pain behind every 'it's okay.'"

Have you ever had a very serious conversation that makes you second guess yourself?
You know how confused that makes you? Well, I had about 5 of those conversations
last night, and well now....I have no idea what I want anymore. I'm talking about my
future here, this is MY future. I hate second guessing myself. Whatever, fuck emotional
turmoil. I haven't recieved any letters this week, somethings changed with him..I just
know it. Part of me really fears what his next letter will say. Maybe I'm just being
a typical, over-emotional, psychopathic woman. Yup, I think so, or maybe not.
Oh my god, I'm wigging myself out right now. When all else fails, tilt your head and
squint. (Dont ask, I don't know how that is supposed to help) Maybe when BMT
is over I will be able to figure myself out and stop second guessing every single thing
that I do. I miss my Airman, that is something that I know for sure. 20 more days
until I'm San Antonio bound. :)

Day 35, it's a rarity

"True love is rare, and it's the only thing that gives life real meaning."

I'm so tired, like seriously. Thank god my boss decided to give me this
Thursday off like I asked, I've been so run down. I'm exhausted, this whole
thing is pretty much kicking my ass. I miss my boyfriend, he's my best friend,
my love, and so much more. I can't wait for the next 3 weeks to go by
so I can fly down to Texas, I'm not going to want to leave, that's for sure.
But after I leave Texas, it will be less than a month until it's time for him to
come home for Christmas. <3 I'm so lucky that I will not only get to spend
Thanksgiving with him, I will also get to spend Christmas with him. The
holiday season this year will be very blessed for me. :) I just know that what
I have with him is very rare and I probably couldn't find it with anyone else
if I wanted to. It is most definitely a rarity, and I'm not complaining.

Days 32, 33, and 34, He called, and somethings wrong

"Without you in my arms I feel an emptiness in my soul, I find myself searching
the crowds for your face-I know it's an impossibility, but I cannot help
myself."

He sounded awful on the phone, he sounded tired and beat down..poor thing.
It just really worries me because he has been so upbeat the entire time, I guess
the pressure is really starting to get to him...I hope he can stay stong, it hurt so
bad to hear him sound so pitiful. Is this normal? Do all the Airmen do this, do they
all get this stressed and tired right here in week 5? We're so close to the end of
this, only 22 days to go...I'm so afraid that he's just changed his mind about us.
God, I hope not....I'm so worried about him, I need him to stay strong, just for these
last three weeks, and then he can break, I'll be there then. I feel so helpless, like
seriously...I've never felt like this before, I just want to help him but I can't.
They took 6 hours off of his town pass, and now his debit card is messed up so
he's having to borrow money from people..I know he's under a tremendous amount
of stress, I just hope it gets better for him. I hope he knows that I miss him more
than anything and I'm honestly going crazy without him here. I'm just ready for this
to be over with.

Day 31, I got two letters:)

"The reason it hurts so much to seperate is because our souls
are connected."

And he even drew pictures on there<3 I love my life, I feel so much
better now that I got more letters. &Last night I even got to see his face
because there are pictures of him up on the Air Force BMT website!
I feel so much better today, I just wanna dance! I'm extremely exhausted
today but I cannot wait until tomorrow and Sunday because I know there
is a chance that I will hear from him, it's going to be so great. 25 more days,
only 25...time is freaking flying, I already have butterflies...omfg, this is
ridiculous. I feel like doing backflips, this has been so hard but honestly,
looking back on it has made me realize that I wouldn't change a single thing;
this whole thing has made me a much stronger person, and it has made our
relationship virtually bulletproof. I'm so thankful that I have this website, and
I have SO FREAKING MANY people that are willing to support me,
please, do not stop, I greatly appreciate all of the emails and messages...
As always, feel free to email me at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send
me a private message on facebook. Thank you so freaking much everyone<3

Day 30, I'm not even sure what to do with myself...

"Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that."

I need a letter, a phone call, or something...I just need some contact with him.
I feel so desperate, I know what I'm feeling is normal but I just can't shake this
feeling. No one can really understand it unless they've went through it themselves
so you know what, all the people who are like "military girlfriends are so pathetic,
all they do is mope around and talk about how much they miss their boyfriend
and how much they love them so much more now that they are gone." HOW ABOUT
YOU TRY IT, BITCH. Fuck you, the end....you're just mad that everyone
dumps you on your crazy ass....okay, now really, the end. Haha, sorry..I just
know the person who was making comments will be reading this, because they
have nothing better to do with their life. Okay, now really...back to seriousness,
I need to get a letter today, I just have to hear from him...I just have to.  I can't wait
until the weekend when I know that I will get my phone calls, but I especially can't
wait for the next 26 days to pass. In 26 days I will be in San Antonio, TX starting
the rest of my life<3 I am more than excited. :) I can't wait until December either,
no, I can't wait til he gets out of tech school because he swears up and down that he
is taking me wherever he goes..if it was up to him, my trip to San Antonio would be
permanent. I'm so excited about my future<3

Day 29, my mom is convinced I'm getting married and not telling her.

She's insane; she can't help it. I can't wait, 27 more days until I'm reunited
with my love<3 It's unreal that I am more than halfway through this already..
thank you to all the people who have helped support me all the way through
this, it's greatly appreciated. :) I cannot wait until I get my next letter or phone
call, it's the only thing that is keeping me fighting right now. I miss him like
a crazy person....I miss having someone to hold me and kiss me and rub
my back. I miss it so bad. I wanna cuddle up in bed with him on a Saturday
night and watch movies until neither one of us can keep our eyes open...but
that can't happen now that he's in the military. That makes me want to
punch someone, all I wanna do is cuddle. :( As always, feel free to email me
at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send me a private message via facebook.
Thanks to everyone:)

Day 28, and there's only 28 more days to go.

Yup, that's right....I'm halfway through this. I am so freaking  excited! I cannot
wait until I get to San Antonio. :) I feel like a huge weight is lifted off of me now that
I know that I've made it through the worst part. I only have 28 more days until I find
out what my surprise is....I will finally know for sure what this "something pretty" is.
I also can't wait until I can go home and check the mail, I have a feeling that I will
have another letter when I get there. :) I sent him even more pictures last night, he
said that he loves getting all his pictures out every night, they are his inspiration...but
he gets pissed when one of his friends make a comment about me. Oh how I love my
extremely protective Airman<3 I can't wait, these 28 days can't go by any faster.
I'm so proud of my wonderful Airman, I can't wait to be in his arms again. <3

Days 25, 26, and 27, he's coming home for Christmas!

Yup, I am so excited, I not only get to spend Thanksgiving with my love, I will
also get to spend Christmas with him too...and trust me, I don't think I will be
leaving his side. I am so freaking happy right now....I can't wait until the next
phone call or letter...(speaking of, I got two phone calls this weekend, a 15
minute one and a 30 minute one. I also got a letter.) Contact with him is like
crack, I just can't get enough. I hate my job, it is sucking the life out of me.
And considering there isn't much life left in me to suck out, that is saying something...
I wish he would just come home, I would be so much happier. Last night when
he called, he told me to just bring all my stuff with me to San Antonio so I
could just live there because he doesn't want to be without me anymore.
How sweet, I guess there is no doubt that he loves me. I'm so excited to see
what the future holds for us. <3

Day 24, I got the sweetest letter...

"I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that
you'll take me in your arms again."

Yes I sure did, it was amazing, that is for sure. <3 I can't wait until I can see
him in person, I ordered my plane ticket and my hotel last night, $615. I'll be
there November 22-28 :) yay! It'll be amazing, I can't wait until I get to tell him
for sure that I've got this stuff ordered, he will be so excited. :) What I definitely
can't wait for is to run and jump into his arms....I just know that it'll feel great.
I told him in the letter I wrote him last night we can run away and get married...I
was kidding, but I think I'd be down. lmao, his mom would KILL us. Haha,
I can't wait until I get to cuddle up with him....mmm, I miss his kisses. I need kisses,
how can a person live their life without kisses? As always, feel free to email
or message me for any reason. Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com Thank you<3

Day 23, it gonna be a bad day

Forreal, I'm already having a terrible day, I'm feeling so lonely. I just want someone to hold me.
I'm going to order my plane ticket and hotel today, I am so excited. :) I think ordering that ticket
and everything will make me feel better. I have been cussed out already like three times today
at work. It is a good thing that I am a patient person. I'm ready to be able to curl up in my
airmans big strong arms and go to sleep like old times. As always, advice and such is available
if you email me at LaceylovesDukex3@aol.com or if you send me a private message on facebook.

Day 22, almost half way there.

"While I sleep, I dream of you, and when I wake, I long to hold you in my arms. If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by your side, and my days in your heart."

I'm so ready for this to be over with, I've never been more excited about Thanksgiving, I think. Haha, I'm really nervous to find out what this special surpise is, he still hasn't broke and told me. But of course, he hasn't had many chances to tell me, I've only talked to him once since I found out about this "very special" surprise. I am so ready for his next letter or phone call, this long distance thing is just too hard for me. I am a big girl though so I am toughing this shit out, but to be honest, the whole distance thing just makes me doubtful. It scares me because I start to feel bad when I start having a good time without him here, I should be able to have fun without him here. I honestly feel like I shouldn't be having fun without him around, even though deep down I know that isn't true. Idk, I am so emotionally confused right now and in desperate need of advice.

Day 21, another letter....

I love getting his letters, he just goes on and on about how much he misses me
and how he is taking me with him when he goes overseas...welp, we all know
that there is only one way that I could come with him. ;) I've been begging him
to tell me what the very special surprise is in every letter...because well, I am dying
of anticipation. I can't believe that I'm already 3 weeks into this. I'm almost halfway
there, all I need to do now is buy my plane ticket and such. I guess it will feel
more real to me as soon as I get the ticket in my hands. But seriously, I am so
freaking excited, I can't wait to be with him again, especially if I am the only
person who goes...we will have some serious alone time.  For the past few
days I have been so upset and depressed, and well...there's no one here to support
me. I know that what I'm feeling is normal, but I just can't help but to second
guess myself. I'm honestly so confused. Thank you to everyone who has been
here to support me, especially the people who barely know me but have
tried their hardest to make me feel better. It is greatly appreciated. As always,
feel free to email Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send a private message or
even wall post to my facebook. Thank you and I love you all<3

Days 18, 19, and 20, someone shoot me.

I got a thirty minute phone call on Saturday :) It was pretty great. oh and I got another
letter. He was very upbeat and joking around, I'm glad he was because I've been
miserable for the past few days. I just really don't feel like talking to anyone,
I have so much that I need to think about, right now I really need some support.
I've been so lost in thought for the past few days that I flip shit anytime someone
interupts my thought process. When he called, he started talking about how if
he gets sent overseas he is taking me with him...how sweet. Anyways, I'm exhausted,
and I have to get back to work.

Day 17, fucking A.

"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around
you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something,
and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."

FML, the end. My brain and heart are in an all out battle. I mean is this normal...
whatever. I love and miss my airman. Thank you to everyone who is supporting me,
and as always, a special thank you to my readers who continuously brighten my day.
I love you all. Sorry I'm not writing much today, I just can't do it, not today. I'm
lonely and I want to wallow in my misery. Feel free to send emails to
Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send messages to my facebook inbox.
I'm here to give advice for anyone who needs it, and to recieve advice from
anyone willing to give it. :)

Day 16, my first letter.

"I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope and every dream that I've ever had. And no matter what happens to us in the future, every day spent with you was the best day of my life."

It was probably the most bittersweet moment of my life, I loved it and yet I cried the entire time.
I haven't let that letter out of my sight since I recieved it. I can't describe the feeling I got the minute
I saw that envelope. I can't wait until the next, but what I definitely can't wait for is November 23
when I finally get to see him again. He ended his letter with "oh and I have a very special surprise
for you after graduation." wtf is that? I have like 6 more weeks until I can know what this
surprise is! His letter just went on and on about how he can't wait until he can have me in his
arms again, and how he can't wait to kiss me and hear my voice. I miss him so much, his letter
was so amazingly sweet. I'm so ready, I've been writing letters every single day, and I'm ordering
my plane ticket this weekend. I'm fighting a hard fight, and I know my readers are too. Always
remember I am here for you if you need me. And if anyone wants to give me ideas as to what
this surprise might be, replies are welcome. laceylovesdukex3@aol.com

Day 15, seriously?

I'm so pissed I have 6 more weeks of this, I hate it...4 more days until Sunday,
and then I get to hear from him. I hate my job, I wish I had a good reason to
quit. Someone give me a good reason, I'm so emotionally exhausted when
I get off of work I can barely keep my eyes open. My job makes me want to
become an alcoholic...although I don't drink and don't plan on starting anytime
soon. Most of my friends are a pretty good support system, but some of the
people that I have been friends with the longest aren't there for me...like
seriously, I've been friends for you for 15 years and you're going to pretend
that I don't exist...how about screw you, you'll miss me. I'm pissed, but
for the most part, I have really amazing friends and family who have helped
support me through this hard time. I love all of you, and thank you.
& A special thank you to the people who read this blog, I have about 50 views
a day and I usually recieve a few emails or messages on facebook with feedback.
Thanks to all of you and feel free to email me at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com
or send me messages via facebook. I love hearing from you. :)

Day 14, two full weeks without losing my mind..

I think I'm doing pretty good considering the circumstances...I miss him, I love him,
and I'm waiting on him. I go through every single day counting down the days until
Sunday so I can get my weekly phone call. It's like he is in prison or something...I
feel like a crazy person, like this whole situation...it just makes me feel like I am so
different than everyone else in my life. I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Idk what I can do with myself at this point, it's like just grrrrrrrr....I wanna punch
someone, I literally yelled at a lady at work today. She deserved it, but still..I'm
not allowed to do that...that's a no-no. Whatever, I miss and love my airman...I
can't wait to see him again.

Day 12 and Day 13, I got my second phone call

"I can't think of anybody else who I hate to miss as much as I hate
missing you."

I guess from now on I will be counting down the days until sunday because
that is the day that he will be calling....I miss him so much, but hearing his voice
was more than amazing. I missed his first phone call and I can't even describe the
devestation I felt when I saw the missed call pop up on my phone. But, he called
back a few minutes later and thank god, because I would have never forgave
myself...from now on, on Sundays I will not leave my house, I'm not going through
that again, I love him more than I love myself...I can't wait until i can see him again.
I hate this, I hate my shitty job, and I hate going to these crappy classes, it's
just not worth it without him around...I can't fight without him here to push me.

Day 11, I'm just kinda blah...

I dont know, I don't feel good and i just wish it would all go away.
I had a much needed girls day today and that was good...I've majorly
pampered myself in the past few days and I'm running out of things to
do...my wonderful friends are trying to keep my busy but it's no good.
Everytime I have a free moment to spare I'm writing him, and writing him
makes me miss him....I just wish I could make this all go away. I love you
babe, just come home...I don't like this one bit.

Day 10, how about you leave me the fuck alone?

I'm so sick of people asking me if I'm okay..what am I supposed to say..
"yeah I'm just fine and dandy, you know my boyfriend who is also my
best friend is in Texas and I can't contact him right now...but you know
I'm JUST FINE." I'm not okay, I'm not, I'm miserable and depressed,
and all I do is sleep. Then to top it all off, men think that the fact that my
boyfriend is in basic means they can hit on me...how about you have
a little RESPECT...this is pissing me off, so guaranteed, the next
little boy who has the nerve to "hit me up" on facebook...I will
flip absolute shit on. How about I want people to leave me alone...thank
you to everyone who is kind enough to give me support, I really appreciate
and need it...but seriously, if I dont know you and you've NEVER been
through this before...stop. Thank you to all the military wives/girlfriends, my
boyfriends wonderful family, and my great friends...I love you all :)

Day 9, FML

I am so tired, working full time and being a full time student is extremely difficult...I'm
so mentally and physically exhausted. I'm ready for my girls weekend. I'm so ready for BMT
to be over with because honestly, I hate this. It gets easier every day, but still, this is exhausting
This would be exhausting even if he was here, but with him being gone it's twice as hard.
So, you know what? FML.

Day 8, I still reach for him in the middle of the night..

"Goodnight, sweet dreams, and I love you with all my heart." I miss these
words more than anything.

It's awful, my heart sinks every single time I reach over and he's not there.
When I wake up and reach for him, the minute I realize his side of the bed
is cold and there's nothing but a blanket, my heart sinks. I automatically
wake completely up, and going back to sleep is nearly impossible. I
can't call him, I can't text him, the only thing I can do is write him letters
and it still hasn't even sunk in that he actually gets to read those. I sent him
pictures of us yesterday morning....I wonder if he has even got my letters yet?
I sure hope so, I miss him like crazy. I'm confused about all of this, I'm not
sure how it is supposed to make me feel. The only thing I know for
sure is that I am so lucky to have a man that amazing, one who I know
thinks about me before he goes to sleep at night...I'm blessed. I'm extremely
grateful of everything he has ever done for me, and I will never take another
hug, kiss, or cuddle for granted. I love my airman, and I hope he's careful
because he's got my heart with him in Texas.

Day 7, its been a week.

At this point, I am kind of lost...I am not sure how I feel. I love him more than anything, I miss him, but I am so proud of him. I don't even have words, I am so ready for thanksgiving because not only will I get to see him, but I will also have so much to be thankful for. Be careful love, my hearts with you<3

Day 6, you'll never understand the feeling

You'll never understand the feeling I got when he called last night, that's right, he called
last night. :) I thought I was going to do a back flip, hurt shoulder and all. It felt so good to
hear his voice, I had a feeling he would call, everyone called me crazy because it is too early,
but I just knew it in my heart. But still, hearing his voice was a surreal sensation that I will never
be able to explain for the rest of my life. I love him more than anything and this whole
experience has done nothing but strengthen that and make me love and appreciate him more
than I already did. I've been on cloud nine all day, I feel completely rejuvenated and ready to
take on the next seven weeks with renewed intensity. That phone call was all I needed, I
feel so much better now, all the crazy emotions are somewhat gone and I can't wait.
I did cry like a baby right after I hung up the phone, but I was able to suck it up in order
to give his parents a call to let them know he's still alive and kicking. One thing I do know
now because of this is that he is the one for me and I can't imagine my life without him.
I honestly don't think I deserve to have him in my life...but I have him and I'm never letting go.

Day 5, i'm afraid its all a mean trick

I don't know why but for some reason I am afraid that it's all a mean trick. My worst fear is that he will send me a letter saying he never really loved me and that we are through. I will never understand these crazy emotions.....all I know is I love him more than anything and I am more than ready to get that first letter saying that he loves me and misses me so my mind will be at ease. I know he loves me, I am sure of it, he woke me up every thirty minutes the night before he left just to kiss me and tell me he loves me. I am not sure why I have all these crazy emotions but I will it would stop already, I don't know if this is normal..

I love you with all my heart and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us babe<3

Day 4, I'm ready to see what the future holds

"I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."

I don't know why, but suddenly, I'm so excited to see what the future has in
store for us. Don't get me wrong, I miss him like crazy, and I still cry like a crazy
person, but I am so excited. I'm ready for that first letter from him to see if it had
the same effect on him that it does me. I can't wait to see him again, I can't wait to
get to jump into his arms again. I just hope he is looking forward to it the way I am.
I realize that I'm just barely into the 8.5 weeks, but I just know that it can only get
better from here because with every day that passes, I'm one day closer to
being safe in his arms again. <3 I love him without a single doubt, and all
this is going to do is make the both of us stronger.

Day 3, i feel like i did something wrong.

I feel like I do when he gets mad at me and ignores me. And Its terrible, I want to call him and appologize and beg him to stop ignoring me. Realistically I know he is just at BMT....idk I guess I will feel better when I hear from him. I got his address yesterday and sent his first two letters today, I am more than ready to hear back from him<3

I want this for christmas:)

Day 2, I am ready to fucking punch someone.

 "I am a military girlfriend, there is no ring on my finger that symbolizes our
commitment. I hope every day that he will be able to call, because a 30
second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions...smiling
with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based
on a brief communication where "I love you and I am okay" speaks more than
volumes and gives me the strength to keep going."


I'm not sure why I am so angry, but I am pissed. I'm pissed at everything....I'm pissed
because I'm lonely, I'm pissed because I miss him, and I'm pissed because I can't talk
to him. Today was my first day back to school since he left and I'm even pissed about
that. I guess I am so mad because there is no guarantee that he will come home to me,
although I trust that he will. The thought of eventually being able to fall asleep in his
arms is the only thing that is getting me out of bed in the mornings. I want him to be proud
of me and what I've accomplished when he gets home. I want him to be as proud to call
me his girlfriend as I am to call him my boyfriend. I love my Airman, and I miss him
desperately already....8 weeks to go.

Day 1, the depression sets in.

"I am a military girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter
how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a committment with
no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to
me."

I saw him the last time and gave him his last kiss on Monday. I spoke to him on the phone for
the last time yesterday at 5 p.m., and I recieved my last text from him last night at 10 p.m.
I spent almost the entire night crying my eyes out wrapped up in his blanket. Today is the first
day I will have absolutely no contact with him, and I'm freaking out. Now, for some background
information, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, 1 1/2 of which he has been in the
Air Force. He is currently at Lackland AFB in Texas for BMT, it is the first time we have ever
been apart for this long with no contact. He promises he is coming home for me, I believe him.
After a few days I will be fine, I know it, I just need a slight break from reality...after I get paid
 next Monday I am going to go get my nails done and buy a halloween costume. I guess I am
going to spend the next 8.5 weeks pampering myself and concentrating on school and work.
But damn it, thinking of when I get to see him the next time is what is getting me through the day
 today.