Days 32, 33, and 34, He called, and somethings wrong

"Without you in my arms I feel an emptiness in my soul, I find myself searching
the crowds for your face-I know it's an impossibility, but I cannot help
myself."

He sounded awful on the phone, he sounded tired and beat down..poor thing.
It just really worries me because he has been so upbeat the entire time, I guess
the pressure is really starting to get to him...I hope he can stay stong, it hurt so
bad to hear him sound so pitiful. Is this normal? Do all the Airmen do this, do they
all get this stressed and tired right here in week 5? We're so close to the end of
this, only 22 days to go...I'm so afraid that he's just changed his mind about us.
God, I hope not....I'm so worried about him, I need him to stay strong, just for these
last three weeks, and then he can break, I'll be there then. I feel so helpless, like
seriously...I've never felt like this before, I just want to help him but I can't.
They took 6 hours off of his town pass, and now his debit card is messed up so
he's having to borrow money from people..I know he's under a tremendous amount
of stress, I just hope it gets better for him. I hope he knows that I miss him more
than anything and I'm honestly going crazy without him here. I'm just ready for this
to be over with.

Day 31, I got two letters:)

"The reason it hurts so much to seperate is because our souls
are connected."

And he even drew pictures on there<3 I love my life, I feel so much
better now that I got more letters. &Last night I even got to see his face
because there are pictures of him up on the Air Force BMT website!
I feel so much better today, I just wanna dance! I'm extremely exhausted
today but I cannot wait until tomorrow and Sunday because I know there
is a chance that I will hear from him, it's going to be so great. 25 more days,
only 25...time is freaking flying, I already have butterflies...omfg, this is
ridiculous. I feel like doing backflips, this has been so hard but honestly,
looking back on it has made me realize that I wouldn't change a single thing;
this whole thing has made me a much stronger person, and it has made our
relationship virtually bulletproof. I'm so thankful that I have this website, and
I have SO FREAKING MANY people that are willing to support me,
please, do not stop, I greatly appreciate all of the emails and messages...
As always, feel free to email me at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send
me a private message on facebook. Thank you so freaking much everyone<3

Day 30, I'm not even sure what to do with myself...

"Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that."

I need a letter, a phone call, or something...I just need some contact with him.
I feel so desperate, I know what I'm feeling is normal but I just can't shake this
feeling. No one can really understand it unless they've went through it themselves
so you know what, all the people who are like "military girlfriends are so pathetic,
all they do is mope around and talk about how much they miss their boyfriend
and how much they love them so much more now that they are gone." HOW ABOUT
YOU TRY IT, BITCH. Fuck you, the end....you're just mad that everyone
dumps you on your crazy ass....okay, now really, the end. Haha, sorry..I just
know the person who was making comments will be reading this, because they
have nothing better to do with their life. Okay, now really...back to seriousness,
I need to get a letter today, I just have to hear from him...I just have to.  I can't wait
until the weekend when I know that I will get my phone calls, but I especially can't
wait for the next 26 days to pass. In 26 days I will be in San Antonio, TX starting
the rest of my life<3 I am more than excited. :) I can't wait until December either,
no, I can't wait til he gets out of tech school because he swears up and down that he
is taking me wherever he goes..if it was up to him, my trip to San Antonio would be
permanent. I'm so excited about my future<3

Day 29, my mom is convinced I'm getting married and not telling her.

She's insane; she can't help it. I can't wait, 27 more days until I'm reunited
with my love<3 It's unreal that I am more than halfway through this already..
thank you to all the people who have helped support me all the way through
this, it's greatly appreciated. :) I cannot wait until I get my next letter or phone
call, it's the only thing that is keeping me fighting right now. I miss him like
a crazy person....I miss having someone to hold me and kiss me and rub
my back. I miss it so bad. I wanna cuddle up in bed with him on a Saturday
night and watch movies until neither one of us can keep our eyes open...but
that can't happen now that he's in the military. That makes me want to
punch someone, all I wanna do is cuddle. :( As always, feel free to email me
at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send me a private message via facebook.
Thanks to everyone:)

Day 28, and there's only 28 more days to go.

Yup, that's right....I'm halfway through this. I am so freaking  excited! I cannot
wait until I get to San Antonio. :) I feel like a huge weight is lifted off of me now that
I know that I've made it through the worst part. I only have 28 more days until I find
out what my surprise is....I will finally know for sure what this "something pretty" is.
I also can't wait until I can go home and check the mail, I have a feeling that I will
have another letter when I get there. :) I sent him even more pictures last night, he
said that he loves getting all his pictures out every night, they are his inspiration...but
he gets pissed when one of his friends make a comment about me. Oh how I love my
extremely protective Airman<3 I can't wait, these 28 days can't go by any faster.
I'm so proud of my wonderful Airman, I can't wait to be in his arms again. <3

Days 25, 26, and 27, he's coming home for Christmas!

Yup, I am so excited, I not only get to spend Thanksgiving with my love, I will
also get to spend Christmas with him too...and trust me, I don't think I will be
leaving his side. I am so freaking happy right now....I can't wait until the next
phone call or letter...(speaking of, I got two phone calls this weekend, a 15
minute one and a 30 minute one. I also got a letter.) Contact with him is like
crack, I just can't get enough. I hate my job, it is sucking the life out of me.
And considering there isn't much life left in me to suck out, that is saying something...
I wish he would just come home, I would be so much happier. Last night when
he called, he told me to just bring all my stuff with me to San Antonio so I
could just live there because he doesn't want to be without me anymore.
How sweet, I guess there is no doubt that he loves me. I'm so excited to see
what the future holds for us. <3

Day 24, I got the sweetest letter...

"I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that
you'll take me in your arms again."

Yes I sure did, it was amazing, that is for sure. <3 I can't wait until I can see
him in person, I ordered my plane ticket and my hotel last night, $615. I'll be
there November 22-28 :) yay! It'll be amazing, I can't wait until I get to tell him
for sure that I've got this stuff ordered, he will be so excited. :) What I definitely
can't wait for is to run and jump into his arms....I just know that it'll feel great.
I told him in the letter I wrote him last night we can run away and get married...I
was kidding, but I think I'd be down. lmao, his mom would KILL us. Haha,
I can't wait until I get to cuddle up with him....mmm, I miss his kisses. I need kisses,
how can a person live their life without kisses? As always, feel free to email
or message me for any reason. Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com Thank you<3

Day 23, it gonna be a bad day

Forreal, I'm already having a terrible day, I'm feeling so lonely. I just want someone to hold me.
I'm going to order my plane ticket and hotel today, I am so excited. :) I think ordering that ticket
and everything will make me feel better. I have been cussed out already like three times today
at work. It is a good thing that I am a patient person. I'm ready to be able to curl up in my
airmans big strong arms and go to sleep like old times. As always, advice and such is available
if you email me at LaceylovesDukex3@aol.com or if you send me a private message on facebook.

Day 22, almost half way there.

"While I sleep, I dream of you, and when I wake, I long to hold you in my arms. If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by your side, and my days in your heart."

I'm so ready for this to be over with, I've never been more excited about Thanksgiving, I think. Haha, I'm really nervous to find out what this special surpise is, he still hasn't broke and told me. But of course, he hasn't had many chances to tell me, I've only talked to him once since I found out about this "very special" surprise. I am so ready for his next letter or phone call, this long distance thing is just too hard for me. I am a big girl though so I am toughing this shit out, but to be honest, the whole distance thing just makes me doubtful. It scares me because I start to feel bad when I start having a good time without him here, I should be able to have fun without him here. I honestly feel like I shouldn't be having fun without him around, even though deep down I know that isn't true. Idk, I am so emotionally confused right now and in desperate need of advice.

Day 21, another letter....

I love getting his letters, he just goes on and on about how much he misses me
and how he is taking me with him when he goes overseas...welp, we all know
that there is only one way that I could come with him. ;) I've been begging him
to tell me what the very special surprise is in every letter...because well, I am dying
of anticipation. I can't believe that I'm already 3 weeks into this. I'm almost halfway
there, all I need to do now is buy my plane ticket and such. I guess it will feel
more real to me as soon as I get the ticket in my hands. But seriously, I am so
freaking excited, I can't wait to be with him again, especially if I am the only
person who goes...we will have some serious alone time.  For the past few
days I have been so upset and depressed, and well...there's no one here to support
me. I know that what I'm feeling is normal, but I just can't help but to second
guess myself. I'm honestly so confused. Thank you to everyone who has been
here to support me, especially the people who barely know me but have
tried their hardest to make me feel better. It is greatly appreciated. As always,
feel free to email Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send a private message or
even wall post to my facebook. Thank you and I love you all<3

Days 18, 19, and 20, someone shoot me.

I got a thirty minute phone call on Saturday :) It was pretty great. oh and I got another
letter. He was very upbeat and joking around, I'm glad he was because I've been
miserable for the past few days. I just really don't feel like talking to anyone,
I have so much that I need to think about, right now I really need some support.
I've been so lost in thought for the past few days that I flip shit anytime someone
interupts my thought process. When he called, he started talking about how if
he gets sent overseas he is taking me with him...how sweet. Anyways, I'm exhausted,
and I have to get back to work.

Day 17, fucking A.

"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around
you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something,
and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."

FML, the end. My brain and heart are in an all out battle. I mean is this normal...
whatever. I love and miss my airman. Thank you to everyone who is supporting me,
and as always, a special thank you to my readers who continuously brighten my day.
I love you all. Sorry I'm not writing much today, I just can't do it, not today. I'm
lonely and I want to wallow in my misery. Feel free to send emails to
Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com or send messages to my facebook inbox.
I'm here to give advice for anyone who needs it, and to recieve advice from
anyone willing to give it. :)

Day 16, my first letter.

"I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope and every dream that I've ever had. And no matter what happens to us in the future, every day spent with you was the best day of my life."

It was probably the most bittersweet moment of my life, I loved it and yet I cried the entire time.
I haven't let that letter out of my sight since I recieved it. I can't describe the feeling I got the minute
I saw that envelope. I can't wait until the next, but what I definitely can't wait for is November 23
when I finally get to see him again. He ended his letter with "oh and I have a very special surprise
for you after graduation." wtf is that? I have like 6 more weeks until I can know what this
surprise is! His letter just went on and on about how he can't wait until he can have me in his
arms again, and how he can't wait to kiss me and hear my voice. I miss him so much, his letter
was so amazingly sweet. I'm so ready, I've been writing letters every single day, and I'm ordering
my plane ticket this weekend. I'm fighting a hard fight, and I know my readers are too. Always
remember I am here for you if you need me. And if anyone wants to give me ideas as to what
this surprise might be, replies are welcome. laceylovesdukex3@aol.com

Day 15, seriously?

I'm so pissed I have 6 more weeks of this, I hate it...4 more days until Sunday,
and then I get to hear from him. I hate my job, I wish I had a good reason to
quit. Someone give me a good reason, I'm so emotionally exhausted when
I get off of work I can barely keep my eyes open. My job makes me want to
become an alcoholic...although I don't drink and don't plan on starting anytime
soon. Most of my friends are a pretty good support system, but some of the
people that I have been friends with the longest aren't there for me...like
seriously, I've been friends for you for 15 years and you're going to pretend
that I don't exist...how about screw you, you'll miss me. I'm pissed, but
for the most part, I have really amazing friends and family who have helped
support me through this hard time. I love all of you, and thank you.
& A special thank you to the people who read this blog, I have about 50 views
a day and I usually recieve a few emails or messages on facebook with feedback.
Thanks to all of you and feel free to email me at Laceylovesdukex3@aol.com
or send me messages via facebook. I love hearing from you. :)

Day 14, two full weeks without losing my mind..

I think I'm doing pretty good considering the circumstances...I miss him, I love him,
and I'm waiting on him. I go through every single day counting down the days until
Sunday so I can get my weekly phone call. It's like he is in prison or something...I
feel like a crazy person, like this whole situation...it just makes me feel like I am so
different than everyone else in my life. I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Idk what I can do with myself at this point, it's like just grrrrrrrr....I wanna punch
someone, I literally yelled at a lady at work today. She deserved it, but still..I'm
not allowed to do that...that's a no-no. Whatever, I miss and love my airman...I
can't wait to see him again.

Day 12 and Day 13, I got my second phone call

"I can't think of anybody else who I hate to miss as much as I hate
missing you."

I guess from now on I will be counting down the days until sunday because
that is the day that he will be calling....I miss him so much, but hearing his voice
was more than amazing. I missed his first phone call and I can't even describe the
devestation I felt when I saw the missed call pop up on my phone. But, he called
back a few minutes later and thank god, because I would have never forgave
myself...from now on, on Sundays I will not leave my house, I'm not going through
that again, I love him more than I love myself...I can't wait until i can see him again.
I hate this, I hate my shitty job, and I hate going to these crappy classes, it's
just not worth it without him around...I can't fight without him here to push me.

Day 11, I'm just kinda blah...

I dont know, I don't feel good and i just wish it would all go away.
I had a much needed girls day today and that was good...I've majorly
pampered myself in the past few days and I'm running out of things to
do...my wonderful friends are trying to keep my busy but it's no good.
Everytime I have a free moment to spare I'm writing him, and writing him
makes me miss him....I just wish I could make this all go away. I love you
babe, just come home...I don't like this one bit.

Day 10, how about you leave me the fuck alone?

I'm so sick of people asking me if I'm okay..what am I supposed to say..
"yeah I'm just fine and dandy, you know my boyfriend who is also my
best friend is in Texas and I can't contact him right now...but you know
I'm JUST FINE." I'm not okay, I'm not, I'm miserable and depressed,
and all I do is sleep. Then to top it all off, men think that the fact that my
boyfriend is in basic means they can hit on me...how about you have
a little RESPECT...this is pissing me off, so guaranteed, the next
little boy who has the nerve to "hit me up" on facebook...I will
flip absolute shit on. How about I want people to leave me alone...thank
you to everyone who is kind enough to give me support, I really appreciate
and need it...but seriously, if I dont know you and you've NEVER been
through this before...stop. Thank you to all the military wives/girlfriends, my
boyfriends wonderful family, and my great friends...I love you all :)

Day 9, FML

I am so tired, working full time and being a full time student is extremely difficult...I'm
so mentally and physically exhausted. I'm ready for my girls weekend. I'm so ready for BMT
to be over with because honestly, I hate this. It gets easier every day, but still, this is exhausting
This would be exhausting even if he was here, but with him being gone it's twice as hard.
So, you know what? FML.

Day 8, I still reach for him in the middle of the night..

"Goodnight, sweet dreams, and I love you with all my heart." I miss these
words more than anything.

It's awful, my heart sinks every single time I reach over and he's not there.
When I wake up and reach for him, the minute I realize his side of the bed
is cold and there's nothing but a blanket, my heart sinks. I automatically
wake completely up, and going back to sleep is nearly impossible. I
can't call him, I can't text him, the only thing I can do is write him letters
and it still hasn't even sunk in that he actually gets to read those. I sent him
pictures of us yesterday morning....I wonder if he has even got my letters yet?
I sure hope so, I miss him like crazy. I'm confused about all of this, I'm not
sure how it is supposed to make me feel. The only thing I know for
sure is that I am so lucky to have a man that amazing, one who I know
thinks about me before he goes to sleep at night...I'm blessed. I'm extremely
grateful of everything he has ever done for me, and I will never take another
hug, kiss, or cuddle for granted. I love my airman, and I hope he's careful
because he's got my heart with him in Texas.

Day 7, its been a week.

At this point, I am kind of lost...I am not sure how I feel. I love him more than anything, I miss him, but I am so proud of him. I don't even have words, I am so ready for thanksgiving because not only will I get to see him, but I will also have so much to be thankful for. Be careful love, my hearts with you<3

Day 6, you'll never understand the feeling

You'll never understand the feeling I got when he called last night, that's right, he called
last night. :) I thought I was going to do a back flip, hurt shoulder and all. It felt so good to
hear his voice, I had a feeling he would call, everyone called me crazy because it is too early,
but I just knew it in my heart. But still, hearing his voice was a surreal sensation that I will never
be able to explain for the rest of my life. I love him more than anything and this whole
experience has done nothing but strengthen that and make me love and appreciate him more
than I already did. I've been on cloud nine all day, I feel completely rejuvenated and ready to
take on the next seven weeks with renewed intensity. That phone call was all I needed, I
feel so much better now, all the crazy emotions are somewhat gone and I can't wait.
I did cry like a baby right after I hung up the phone, but I was able to suck it up in order
to give his parents a call to let them know he's still alive and kicking. One thing I do know
now because of this is that he is the one for me and I can't imagine my life without him.
I honestly don't think I deserve to have him in my life...but I have him and I'm never letting go.

Day 5, i'm afraid its all a mean trick

I don't know why but for some reason I am afraid that it's all a mean trick. My worst fear is that he will send me a letter saying he never really loved me and that we are through. I will never understand these crazy emotions.....all I know is I love him more than anything and I am more than ready to get that first letter saying that he loves me and misses me so my mind will be at ease. I know he loves me, I am sure of it, he woke me up every thirty minutes the night before he left just to kiss me and tell me he loves me. I am not sure why I have all these crazy emotions but I will it would stop already, I don't know if this is normal..

I love you with all my heart and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us babe<3

Day 4, I'm ready to see what the future holds

"I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."

I don't know why, but suddenly, I'm so excited to see what the future has in
store for us. Don't get me wrong, I miss him like crazy, and I still cry like a crazy
person, but I am so excited. I'm ready for that first letter from him to see if it had
the same effect on him that it does me. I can't wait to see him again, I can't wait to
get to jump into his arms again. I just hope he is looking forward to it the way I am.
I realize that I'm just barely into the 8.5 weeks, but I just know that it can only get
better from here because with every day that passes, I'm one day closer to
being safe in his arms again. <3 I love him without a single doubt, and all
this is going to do is make the both of us stronger.